The Geography of Happiness (Mackenzie Country)

Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Terry

My phone going off in my pocket might’ve startled me awake, but it was the soft snoring in my ear, the chuff of his breath on my neck, the heat of a strong male body at my back, arms wrapped tightly around my waist, and a leg flung overtop of mine, pinning me in place that shocked the air from my lungs.

Spencer.

Holy shit.

Not a dream. Not wishful thinking. Alive and real and blissfully fucked... by me. Spencer.

His fiery breath against my throat sent tendrils of want tingling over my skin. Memories stormed my brain and, oh god. Spencer’s mouth on mine and around my cock. His dick on my tongue and down my throat. Our two cocks worked together in his hands. The urgency. The thrill. The hunger. Things absent from my life for thirty years.

Then, even better—talking, sharing, and cuddling on the couch. Telling our stories. Laughing. Pretending it wasn’t all about to come crashing down the way of all holiday romances.

Then lying together in silence—full and bursting and horrifyingly tender silence. The silence of being in the moment and holding someone who mattered. Of knowing what you want and knowing you can’t have it. Of tucking every remaining second into your kitbag of memories.

We’d fallen asleep that way in the silence.

I smiled at the idea, then remembered the alarm.

Shit. Hannah.

I eased free of Spencer’s bear hug, one limb at a time, until I was sitting on the edge of the couch. He mumbled something and altered his position, but he didn’t wake.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and checked the time. Two in the morning. Hannah’s concussion check was due. I looked down at Spencer, warm affection bubbling in my chest. I was falling hard and I knew it. The friendship thing was a bad idea, but what the fuck. I’d survived a week of bad ideas, I’d survive Spencer... eventually.

I pressed my lips to his forehead and then studied him for a minute—the soft rhythm of his breathing, his mouth slack in sleep, the stress lines smooth at the corners of his eyes and mouth. He looked peaceful, calm, unlike the thundering of my own heart at the thought of what we’d done.

You are not them.

And for some reason, I believed him. Listening to his recounting of his ‘romantic’ adventures, I’d come to the surprising realisation that he and I weren’t that different after all. My complicated and often sluggish libido meant I didn’t need to deal with people, to consider anyone else, or manage the ups and downs of a relationship. And I didn’t need to worry about being hurt.

Spencer’s hookup lifestyle with its rigid boundaries did exactly the same thing. No strings. No expectations. No compromise. No niggly give and take.

But that’s where the similarities ended. Spencer was free to do as he pleased with his life and his career, and I wasn’t. But my four days in the Mackenzie had ripped the scales from my eyes, and for the first time since Judah, I found myself yearning for something for me, some one for me.

What’s known can’t be unknown.

“Damn you, Spencer Thompson,” I whispered, brushing a stray curl from his eyes. “Damn you for waking me up and making me want more. I don’t have time for that in my life. I don’t have time for... you.”

I allowed myself one final look and then headed for Hannah’s room.

She woke easily, had no trouble with the questions, and quickly settled back to sleep with Gabby nestled behind her knees. I wasn’t happy with the swelling around her knee, but there wasn’t anything I could do except refresh the cool pack.

That done, I left Hannah to sleep, glanced wistfully toward where Spencer slept on the couch, and then headed in the opposite direction for a quick shower before I hit my own bed. I passed Spencer’s bedroom on the way and absolutely did not stop to take a peek at the huge bed with its caramel-coloured duvet and crisp white sheets. I also didn’t stare at the large framed painting of two naked men kissing, neither of which looked anything like me. And I didn’t wonder about that, either.

Showered and somewhat fresh, I made it into bed and took a deep soul-cleansing breath for the first time since I’d heard Hannah had been hurt. I shot a quick text to Zach and accepted his offer to drive us to the clinic and back to the station that morning and asked him to be there by ten. I knew damn well Spencer had lied about not needing to work and I wasn’t about to add to his stress. I also didn’t want a painful drawn-out farewell between us. Better to pop the balloon quickly on this bubble we were floating in and get on with real life. Spencer wouldn’t be happy, but I’d deal with that when it happened.

Zach surprised me by replying almost instantly that he’d be there as requested.

I frowned and texted back. What are you doing still up?

He texted back. Got a bitch due to whelp and we’ve just been checking on her. No puppies yet.

The idea of Zach dragging himself out of a warm bed to check on his girls made me smile. Then I remembered he’d said we’ve . Is Luke with you?

Sure is. Why should he get to sleep?

That made me chuckle, and we exchanged a few more texts about Hannah and possible plans for heading back to Auckland, depending on what the doctor said, either later that day or the next. Zach told me Luke would make things work and just to let him know.

That done, I slid my phone onto the bedside table and willed sleep to take me. Anything to stop my mind replaying the delicious memories of the things Spencer and I had got up to just a few hours before.

Yeah, good luck with that.

The weak light of morning woke me well before the six o’clock alarm on my phone. I’d been so tired, I hadn’t even closed the blinds. A concussion check was due at six, but instead of leaping into action early, I pulled the covers up to my chin and stared at the rivulets of water running down the panes of glass.

The inside of the glass.

I puffed a breath into the room and it condensed in front of my face. I shivered and pulled the covers over my mouth, hunkering down. Nothing moved in the silent old house. No rain hammering on the iron roof. No wind whistling through gaps in the old window frames.

I breathed in and out and took quiet stock of my body. It felt... different somehow. I felt different. A little wrung out but in a good way. My body also felt oddly expectant, even buzzing wasn’t too strong of a word. I guessed a slamming orgasm or two could do that to a guy. But nurturing false hope about any possible future together was a bad idea on every level. The sooner I got back to Painted Bay the better.

My alarm finally vibrated and when I reached for my phone to shut it off the first kiss of frigid air on my skin sent my teeth chattering and goosebumps popping all over my body. I ripped a blanket from the bed and wrapped it around my shoulders, then stood at the window and checked the weather outside. It took a minute for the fairytale scene to sink in—a crystal white world as far as the eye could see... in November for fuck’s sake.

A late frost blanketed the ground, a layer of ice crackling atop the puddles left from the night before. It was an unexpected wonderland that likely wouldn’t last beyond breakfast, and I idly wondered what Holden and Jules thought when they’d stepped out their doors that morning. Nothing good, I bet.

As I padded down the hall with the blanket still wrapped around my shoulders, my gaze slid sideways into Spencer’s room, but his bed hadn’t been slept in. Maybe I should have woken him when I left the couch but he looked so peaceful.

Gabby’s head shot up the second I opened Hannah’s door and she slid awkwardly off the bed to greet me. “And how are you doing, girl?” I ran my hand along her spine as she limped a circle around my legs, tail wagging. She looked okay, but I hoped Spencer would check her over again before we left.

Hannah stirred and her head lifted off her pillow. “Dad?”

“Yep. It’s early still. Time to do the checklist again. How’d you sleep?”

Hannah groaned and rolled onto her back. “Okay, I guess, but I’m still tired.” She hesitated and looked away. “And my knee hurts a little more than last night.”

I kept my reaction in check. “That’ll be the swelling. There’s more colour in your cheeks though, so that’s good. How’s the headache?”

She moved her head from side to side. “Almost gone.”

Small mercies. I sat on the mattress beside her. “As soon as we’re done, you can have some more painkillers and a fresh cold pack for your knee. There’s no rush to get up. It’s freezing and there’s a frost outside.” I handed her the remote for the small television on the wall. “Do you think you could eat something?”

She took a few seconds to decide. “Maybe something small.”

It was progress. “Good. I’ll see what I can rustle up. Zach will be here at ten, so we have four hours up our sleeve.”

Hannah completed the checklist with flying colours, and I would’ve relaxed if it weren’t for the expanding patchwork of green and blue bruising around her knee.

“I’m really sorry, Dad.” She took my hand, her expression stricken. “I ruined everything.”

My gaze shot up. “You did nothing of the sort. It was an accident. It sucks but it’ll heal. How bad is it?”

She shrugged. “I can’t bend it hardly at all. I might need to use my chair for a bit when we get home.”

Translation: it hurts like a motherfucker. Hannah avoided her chair at all costs.

“That’s what it’s there for, right?” I tried to sound unconcerned. We both knew I was lying. “You want me to carry you to the bathroom?”

She grimaced. “Yes, please.”

Once I had Hannah back in bed and settled watching television, I headed for the kitchen to switch out her cold pack. The couch in the lounge was empty as I passed, and when I peered out the front window to the drive, Spencer’s ute was missing as well.

My heart sank. Maybe he’d been called out on an emergency. It happened, right? But there was no note and that didn’t seem like Spencer. Then again, who was I to even expect one? The man didn’t owe me a breakdown of his freaking whereabouts for Chrissakes.

I tried not to feel disappointed at the thought I might not see him again before Zach arrived to pick me up, because that was foolish shit. He’d catch up with me in his own time.

Back in Hannah’s bedroom, I wrapped the fresh cold pack around Hannah’s knee and motioned for Gabby to follow me out. “I’ll let her into the backyard and see if I can rustle up some dog food. I’ll send her back in when she’s done.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Hannah burrowed under the blankets and I slipped into the hall with Gabby limping at my heels. She seemed keen to get outside but came to an abrupt stop when I opened the back door and a polar blast hit her in the snout.

I grinned and scruffed her head. “Go on. You’ve got a nice fur coat to protect you.” I pushed the reluctant retriever out into the cold and shut the door. Then I hitched up the blanket so I could clamber onto the bench and watch her through the glass, just to be sure she did her business. That dog hated the cold.

As expected, Gabby stared at the closed door for a long minute, willing it to reopen. When it didn’t, she raced down onto the lawn for the fastest poop and pee in history before hoofing it back to the porch like a bolt of lightning.

“Now there’s a sight I don’t see every day in my kitchen.”

I gasped and spun to find Spencer standing in the doorway with a large box in his arms, his smiling gaze raking over my half-naked body.

“Dammit.” I glared, my heart still hammering in my throat. “You scared the shit out of me. Can’t you knock or call out or something?”

Spencer looked around. “This is still my house, right?” Then he grinned at my fumbling attempt to drag the blanket over my bare legs. “Don’t bother covering up for my sake. You’re a feast for the eyes at this hour of the morning.” He made no attempt to hide his appreciation, going so far as to adjust himself just for my benefit.

I rolled my eyes, but a small, pleased smile stole over my burning face anyway. I couldn’t look at the man without remembering the feel of his lips on mine, or his cock down my throat, or a million other things he’d made me feel just hours before.

“I thought you must’ve been called out,” I finally managed.

He frowned. “And you decided that I’d just up and leave without telling you or texting or leaving a note?”

I shrugged. “I’m not your keeper.”

His gaze narrowed. “And I’m not a jerk. Here, make yourself useful.” He set the box on the countertop and removed a half-dozen paper bags, which he handed to me. “I went to get us breakfast, along with one or two other things. The bakery opens at five to catch the early truckies. Now are you going to argue or are you going to eat?”

The tempting aromas of sugar, butter, chocolate, cheese, and bacon wafted from the bags into the kitchen, making my stomach growl.

He chuckled. “Yeah, I thought that might be the case. I brought enough for Hannah, if she feels up to it, as well as a hot chocolate. It’s freaking cold out there, by the way.”

“Shit. I totally forgot Gabby.” I glanced back out the window to find one sorry-looking retriever glaring up at me. “She’s pissed all right.” I slid off the countertop to let her inside and she bolted straight past me to flirt shamelessly with Spencer. It was the doggy equivalent of fuck you, arsehole, and I didn’t blame her.

“Well, good morning to you too.” Spencer scruffed Gabby around her ears and then removed a carton of what I knew to be very expensive dog kibble from the box he’d carried inside. He shook it. “Are you a hungry girl?”

Gabby’s eyes widened like saucers at the sound, and when Spencer filled a bowl, she dived right in.

“You’re spoiling her,” I groaned.

Spencer smiled. “Absolutely, I am.” And we watched Gabby clean her bowl in under a minute flat before heading back to Hannah’s room. “I’ll take another look at her after breakfast, but she’s moving better than I expected, so that bodes well. Here, get this on, you’re making me cold just looking at you.” He lifted a sweater from a hook by the back door and threw it my way. “The plates are in the drawer next to the oven. I’ll put the jug on. How is Hannah doing?”

“Better,” I answered, donning the sweater and re-wrapping the blanket around my waist. “I’ll make her a plate and take it in.” I started sorting the bags of buns and pastries onto plates—cheese and bacon scrolls, sausage rolls, breakfast sandwiches, and a few death-by-sugar options to cover all the food groups.

As I worked, I told Spencer about Hannah’s progress, how her headache and nausea had eased but that I was worried about her knee.

A deep frown cut his brow. “How bad is it?”

I shrugged. “It’s too early to know. It might heal without problems, or it might not. Your guess is as good as mine. JIA is a fickle bitch and Hannah’s been through enough already.” My voice broke at the finish and Spencer walked over to where I stood and pulled me into his arms.

There was no attempt at meaningless reassurance, he just held me, and for once it didn’t feel like I was soldiering on alone. And when I finally pulled away and scrubbed at my wet cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater, he brushed a thumb under each of my eyes and simply said, “Eat first, talk later, yeah?”

“Eat, sure,” I agreed. “But no more talking, please. Nothing to do now but wait it out and see what happens.”

He studied me for a moment, then nodded. “Fair enough.”

But when I turned back to the island to grab a plate of food for Hannah, an arm snaked around my waist, a chin landed on my shoulder, and Spencer’s hot breath ran over my bare skin, making me shiver.

“You’re keeping Hannah from her breakfast,” I teased, leaning back into his warmth.

“She won’t starve for the sake of a couple of minutes.” He kissed my shoulder. “Because, as it happens, I picked you up a little surprise while I was out.”

A small box of English breakfast tea appeared on the island directly in front of me and I stared at it, pulse thrumming. Tea. Spencer had bought me tea. From the giddy reaction of my heart and the tears that pooled in my eyes, he may as well have brought me a fucking bouquet of flowers.

“I didn’t know what you liked, so I bought a selection,” he admitted almost shyly, sliding three more boxes alongside the first.

I spun and clamped his face in my hands, blinking back my tears. “You bought me four boxes of tea?”

He flushed. “Well, five, actually, if you count the disgusting berry-zinger-herbal thingy that the dairy owner convinced me I should take if I wanted to really cover my bases. He tried to sell me some disgusting chai number as well, but I was onto him by then. That stuff smells like my socks after a long day in the woolshed kicking through muck.”

I grinned and smacked a hard kiss onto his lips. “Berry-zinger-herbal thingy, huh?” I held him in place so we were eye to eye. “You’re batshit, you know that, right?”

He popped a kiss on the end of my nose. “And you’re welcome. You deserve to have what you want, what you like.”

He looked so serious, so genuine that I almost laughed.

“Besides, it’s worth two kisses at the very least, don’t you think?” He leaned down to snag another but then stopped abruptly. “Dammit. Hold that thought.” And with that he was running for the front door, leaving me standing there mid-pucker.

I sighed and took a bite of a caramel scroll, which turned out to be delicious.

The front door slammed and Spencer reappeared with a large carry cage that he deposited on the floor. “Ta-da!” He opened the door and a nose poked out, quickly followed by the rest of a very curious Australian cattle dog. Miller.

“I figured he might brighten Hannah’s morning,” Spencer explained, as if the sight hadn’t just melted my fucking heart.

I stared gobsmacked at the cute-as-fuck pup, then turned to Spencer but couldn’t find the words to express how grateful I was. It was the most perfect thing he could’ve done for Hannah, and she was going to love him for it.

Once Miller realised it was me, he bounded over, and I dropped to the floor so I could love on him. Spencer dropped at my side and we chuckled at the dog’s excited antics and delighted yelps at having us both down at his level.

A half minute later, Gabby appeared, drawn by the smell and sound of another dog, and Miller did all the right things, behaving meekly while Gabby inspected him from top to tail. When she was happy that Miller offered no threat, Gabby set about giving him a good licking and then headed back to Hannah’s bedroom with Miller in hot pursuit.

Hannah’s delighted squeal echoed through the house just seconds later and Spencer helped me to my feet. “You go. I’ll heat up her hot chocolate and bring the plate of food.”

I went up on my toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I keep on saying this because you keep on doing such wonderful things, but thank you, again... for everything. You’re a good man, Spencer Thompson.”

He smiled and cupped my cheek. “Who knows, maybe we can be good together, given time.”

“Maybe.” I hesitated, then stepped back, knowing he wasn’t going to be happy at my next words. “Zach’s coming at ten to take us to the clinic and then back to the station.” I winced at the hurt that flashed in Spencer’s eyes. “I don’t want you missing work. You’ve done enough. If Bradley clears Hannah to fly, then Luke’s taking us to Christchurch either this afternoon or tomorrow.”

“Then make it tomorrow?” Spencer said hopefully. “That way I can swing by and see you this afternoon or this evening before you go.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I took both his hands in mine and lost myself in those beautiful brown eyes. “I’ve had the best time this week and it’s all down to you, but my life right now has to be focused on Hannah. And just four days ago you were happily enthralled with your own single life. That’s too fast a turnaround for anyone, Spencer, even without the fact we live over a thousand kilometres apart, and soon to be more. Liking each other, even with potential, simply doesn’t cut it.”

“But—”

I stayed him with a hand to his chest. “You opened my eyes and I’m grateful for that. I don’t want to lose your friendship because we dared to dream outside the lines. Please. Let’s not drag this out.”

I saw the battle rage in Spencer’s eyes, the arguments come and go, until eventually the fire left him and he nodded. “All right. We’ll do it your way.” He stepped in and slid both hands around my neck. “And in case I don’t get to do this again...” He pulled me up onto my toes and lowered his mouth to mine in the sweetest, most heart-breaking kiss I’d ever felt—his lips brushing back and forth before slowly firming against mine, a soft hum of pleasure rumbling in his throat, the sound of my heart breaking just a little in the background.

“Dad!” Hannah’s voice echoed through the house, startling us apart. “He’s beautiful. Can we keep him?”

I rested my forehead against his lips and chuffed. “I better go.”

He nodded. “I’ll bring breakfast in for both of you. And your tea.”

My tea.

You deserve to have what you want.

If only it were that easy.