The Risks We Take Duet Box Set

51. Carys

CARYS

W hen Belle and I stand to go back into the house, I realize the sun has already set, and I have no idea what time it is or how much time has passed since we got that first call this morning.

Time is like a shape-shifter.

It takes many forms.

In the year we were together, we were hardly ever in the same place, but it didn’t matter. We had each other. I spent the days we were apart, counting down until I got to see him again, each day moving slower than the last. The more I wanted to see him, the slower the days seem to pass. But the time we spent together was over before it started.

Today is different. Time moves slowly around me now as I take each step but not slow enough. The fear of what Coach is being told from the other end of that phone is enough to cripple me in fear.

And somehow, Annabelle must sense it, too, because she laces her fingers through mine. “The fear is the worst part.”

I try to push it aside and put one heavy foot in front of the other, but my feet feel like they’re stuck in cement.

I’ll never be able to unhear whatever we’re about to be told, once it’s been said, and I’m not ready to accept that yet.

We walk into the kitchen where everyone’s gathered around Coach, who has his phone pressed to his ear. Declan tucks Annabelle against him protectively holding her pregnant bump, and I catch myself wondering if depriving Cooper of that was as big a deal as I made it out to be.

Did I waste these past few months?

Were they the last few months... Jesus, I can’t even finish the thought.

Whatever they’re telling Coach causes his shoulders to sag, and tears stream down his face as he drops into the kitchen chair.

Nattie sobs hysterically next to him before Coach ends the call.

I don’t know if I can do this.

I take a step back. I don’t think I can be here for this.

Coach opens his mouth to speak, and it seems like minutes pass before the words slip past his lips. “They’ve got them. They’re in bad shape. But they’ve got them.”

My phone vibrates in my hand.

I’ve been holding it for hours in case Jessie calls, but I can’t answer it now. Not when Coach is still speaking. Only I’m not sure I’m processing his words.

“What?”

Everyone’s eyes swing to me in slow motion. “They’re hurt, Carys.” Coach repeats himself. “They’re being taken to a military hospital in Germany.”

“He’s alive?” I whisper, scared to believe it.

Nattie turns with rage shining from her eyes. “Yes, he’s alive! Of course, he’s alive. What the hell is wrong with you, thinking he might not be?” she screams as if possessed.

Brady holds her in his arms, murmuring soft words the rest of us can’t hear while she cries.

I look at the phone in my hand, then back up at Nat. “I just got a message from Jessie.” I look at her and watch the anger rising in her cheeks. “She’s at her house with my roommate Emerson.” My words are slow, as if stuck in molasses.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Carys?” Nat yells.

I get it. She needs someone to yell at right now.

Some way to exercise the fear that’s been building to impossible heights all day.

That continues to threaten us with the idea that he’s safe but hurt.

Cooper is her twin. They have a bond, one that everyone in this room knows and understands and expects.

And because I wouldn’t let him tell our family when he wanted to, they have no idea what this man means to me.

I look at my phone again, then at Nattie before fear and regret claw their way up my throat. “I’m going to call Jessie to see if she heard anything we haven’t.” I step toward the door, but Mom stops me.

“Why don’t you call from in here, honey? That way, we’ll all know what’s happening.” She’s looking at me in a funny way, like she doesn’t understand what’s going on with me, but then again, I guess she wouldn’t.

I hit Jessie’s name on the screen, then wait as it rings once before Theo answers, “Carys...”

“Theo.” My voice shakes. “Why are you answering Jessie’s phone?”

He ignores my confusion. “Carys... Did you hear about Cooper? Have they found him?”

Someone behind me says something, but I tune them out. “All we’ve been told is that they found the guys, but they’re in bad shape.” The phone shakes in my hands, and it takes me a moment to realize it’s because I’m shaking.

“Two guys dressed in full uniform came to the house. They were here to ask Jessie if she could come with them. They were about to go to Emerson’s house before they realized she was already here.”

I lean back against the wall for support.

“Why were they going to Em’s?”

“It’s Linc.” I hear Emerson wail in the background and slide down the wall to my butt.

“Theo . . .”

“Linc’s gone, Carys. He didn’t make it. Jess is trying to get Em to calm down, and one of the dudes called a doctor to come over for her.”

My eyes fly to my mom’s when she sits down next to me, and I grab her hand and hold it close. “Can you let me know how she is? I wish I could be there for her, but...”

“We all know, CC. Let us know how Coop is when you find out, okay? I’ll have Jess call you when she can.”

The sound of Emerson’s wails breaks me, and I end the call and throw my arms around my mom as I cry. “Linc’s gone. He’s dead. Emerson is eight-months pregnant, and he’s dead. Oh my God, Mom.”

My mom runs her hand over my hair as she holds me while we both cry for the sweet man with the southern twang who will never get to see his baby born.

Eventually, I realize everyone in the room is staring at us.

Waiting.

Mom and I climb to our feet, and Coach tugs us both into his strong arms.

“I need to go with you to Germany, Coach.”

My mom runs her hand down my back. “Honey, I don’t think we’ll all be able to get into the hospital.”

“Your mom’s right, Carys. Only two of us are allowed in.” He steps back with sad eyes, having no idea how badly I need to be there.

I guess it’s time to strike the match and burn my world to the ground.

“I need to be one of those two people, Coach.”

“I don’t understand, Carys.” His kind eyes hold an ache and confusion within them.

Nattie steps forward. “What the hell is going on, Carys? It needs to be me. Or it needs to be Declan. Why would you go with Dad?” She’s trying to understand, but anger and accusation lace every word.

“Natalie. Stop.” Declan’s words are strong and clipped. “You’re scared. We all are, but you need to stay here. Let Carys go with Dad.” The room quiets, and my eyes lock with Declan’s, offering him a silent thank-you.

“How long have you known?” It’s the first time all day that I don’t shake when I speak.

“Since he came up for the game last December.” His red, tired eyes never waiver. “He’d want you to be the first person he sees.”

And that’s when I lose every ounce of strength I’d summoned. My entire body trembles as I fight back the tears.

“What the hell are you talking about, Declan?” Murphy’s face is slowly morphing from ghostly white to a furious red. “Why would Carys be the first person Cooper would want to see?”

Sabrina gasps, and Mom’s breath catches in her throat.

Time to watch it burn.

“Cooper and I have been together for over a year.” I don’t tell them about the past few months.

They don’t get to know that.

Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

None of it seems important now.

“What?” Nattie shrieks. “No way. He’d never keep that from me.”

“Nat,” Declan warns, and her head spins like the possessed woman in The Exorcist .

“No, Dec. You don’t get to Nat me.” She looks back at me with venom dripping in her tone. “The two of you were together and kept it from us?”

“Yes.” I take the anger that’s pouring off her in violent, heavy waves and let it lap at my skin. I deserve it, and it won’t change anything. “We wanted to figure things out for ourselves before we brought the whole family into it.”

Nattie finally snaps.

She’s still angry, but hurt and fear are overpowering her anger. “Why wouldn’t he tell me?” Her voice shakes as she glares over at Declan. “He told you, but not me. Why?”

“I’m going to fucking kill him,” Aiden growls, and without a thought, I slap him across the face.

“How dare you utter those words right now. You’re the reason.” I look between him and Nattie. “You both are. We knew you would get involved and have opinions. And we wanted time to figure us out without you.” My voice cracks on the last word.

We wanted time, and I still threw us away.

“Did you figure it out?” my mother asks.

I soften my tone. “I love him.” I look at Nattie but ignore my brother. “In Cooper’s defense, he wanted to tell you all months ago. He didn’t care what anyone thought. He didn’t want to hide what we had. We were worth more than that to him.”

“Then why didn’t you?” she asks, angry again.

“Do you think we could table the discussion on all the ways I fucked up until after we come back from Germany?” I turn to Coach, ready to beg if I have to. “I’m getting on that plane with you, Coach, if I have to fly it myself.”

“Go grab some clothes from your old room. I want to be out of here in thirty minutes.”

I lit the match.

I watched it burn.

Now it’s time to deal with the pain.