The Season of Falling

6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

Kasey

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed is a real thing. It didn’t happen to me often, but when it did, it was not pretty.

“Whoa, what happened to you?” Kendra asked as I stepped into the kitchen.

It had taken me hours to fall asleep with my mind so full of Dean, this Dating Debacle, and what I was going to do about it. Once I finally fell asleep, I’d even dreamed about it. And the dreams were not exactly peaceful if my twisted blankets, dark eye circles, and frizzy hair indicated anything.

I glared at my sister as I grabbed a bowl out of the cupboard and my favorite cereal from the pantry. “Good morning to you, too,” I grumbled.

She put her hands up in a placating gesture, and I sighed before I pulled out my chair and sat next to her at the table. Even though the whole dating thing had been her idea, it wasn’t entirely her fault that I hadn’t slept well. My own guilty thoughts about what it would be like to date Dean Ellis had certainly played a part as well.

“Sorry, sis. I didn’t have a very restful night, if you couldn’t tell. The sugar-plums did not dance in my head.”

“Not even a little pirouette or a Cha-Cha?” Kendra asked, eyes dancing as much as the pretend sugar-plums.

“Not even once.”

“What about the Sandman? Didn’t he sprinkle any dream dust?” she pressed.

A smile pulled at my mouth, and I wracked my brain, trying to think of another sleep or dream reference. I couldn’t. And I stifled a yawn as I admitted my defeat. Kendra smiled widely and went back to eating her Fruity Pebbles. I poured myself a bowl but could hardly get a spoonful or two into my mouth without yawning again.

Kendra eyed me over her now empty bowl. “Maybe you should take a nap.”

“I just woke up! Besides, I’m going to talk to Ro and Hazel today about the Dating Debacle and”—I put up a hand to silence her—“that’s what I started calling it. The Dating Debacle. And I need to prepare myself for that conversation.”

She sighed dramatically and placed her hand delicately over her heart. “Why, Kasey.” She exclaimed in an imitation of Ro’s southern drawl. “I am just tickled pink that you would give my efforts on your behalf a name. That truly does warm my heart.”

I rolled my eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want to study theater or something?”

She shrugged, dropping the theatrics. “I thought about it when I was doing all those plays back in junior high, but nah. It’s not for me. And you need drama in creative writing, anyway. So don’t you worry, my talents won’t be going to waste.”

I laughed as she took her bowl to the sink. “Sarah called to say that Dean’s doctors don’t want any visitors today, so I can’t go visit until tomorrow. I have a video call with Ro and Hazel tonight, but other than that, the day is ours. While I go and call Linda at work, think about what you want to do. These are your last days of freedom, you know.”

“Don’t remind me,” Kendra groaned before she turned and started up the stairs.

I chuckled as I picked up my phone and called Linda at the office. I figured that she’d shoot down any offers I gave her of working over the weekend to catch up, but I was going to try anyway. Linda had been so sweet in insisting I take the week off, but I was going to be way behind come Monday. When her kind voice came through the speaker I smiled.

“Oh no,” Linda insisted after I explained why I had called, “you are going to spend time with your sister, rest, and visit that young man of yours in the hospital. Don't worry about work until you come back on Monday.”

“But Linda—”

“I won’t hear another word about it. You deserve the time off. We’ll see you first thing Monday morning. And Kasey?”

“Yes?”

“I’m glad your friend is okay.”

I smiled as she hung up the phone. But when silence filled the air my mind went back to what she had said.

Visit that young man of yours.

As if Dean was mine, no questions asked. I closed my eyes and dragged my hands down the sides of my face. The right thing to do would be to clear up the whole misunderstanding straight away. But deep down, I wanted this chance to see if Dean could really fall in love with me. To see me as something more than just a friend.

Okay, maybe those feelings weren’t quite so deep down. But they were at least under a layer or two of sensibility.

I groaned in frustration. I wasn’t going to make any decisions until after I talked with Ro and Hazel. They would be able to help me sort through the mess that Kendra had gotten me into.

Kendra and I spent the day window shopping and movie watching. I enjoyed having her around and getting to spend time with her. Usually when she came to visit, I had work every day and she just hung out until I got home each evening. But getting to spend so much time with her was a treat that I wasn’t going to take for granted. Even if it did make me a bit anxious about returning to the mountains of work I was sure to find piled on my desk come Monday morning.

But I soon forgot all about work as my video call with Ro and Hazel approached. Kendra could tell I was nervous and tried her best to calm me down. She even offered to explain the situation for me.

“I probably should make you pay for this mess by making you explain,” I mused. “But no, I’ll tell them what happened, and I know they’re going to have a lot to say about it.”

Kendra laughed. “I am sorry about putting all the pressure and stuff on you, but I can’t be sorry about setting up the most perfect rom-com moment brought to real life. And with my own sister no less!” She squealed and clapped her hands. “It’s just so romantic.”

I rolled my eyes, but I could feel the smile that tugged at my lips. My sister, the hopeless romantic. I gave her a quick squeeze before I ran up the stairs to my bedroom and flopped down onto my big four poster bed. I propped my pillows up behind me and wriggled around on the soft blue comforter until I was comfortable.

Ro would be a little late, so I called Hazel to give us a few minutes to catch up. I grinned and waved happily as she popped onto the screen. She waved back excitedly, tossing her honey blonde hair over her shoulder. Hazel was beautiful and more soft spoken than either Ro or me. But she had sparkling blue eyes that drew you in and a laugh that made it impossible not to join in her happiness.

When Hazel had decided to take a job back in Wisconsin where we’d all gone to school, I’d been so excited for her but sad for our friend group. We all committed to weekly video calls and plenty of text messages in between so that we’d have no problems staying connected and up to date on each other’s lives.

But today wasn’t one of our regularly scheduled video calls. It was an emergency meeting. Over the years, there had been plenty of emergency council meetings like the one we were about to have. We’d helped each other through semester crushes, fights with parents and siblings, what to study in school, where to work after graduation, and of course, broken hearts. We helped each other with anything and everything, and heaven knew I needed their help now.

“I’m sure you all know why I’ve gathered you here today,” Ro said when she joined the call.

“I’m pretty sure Kasey called this meeting,” Hazel replied, shaking her head at Ro as she rubbed her hands together mischievously. Leave it to Hazel to cut to the chase. They both fell silent and waited expectantly for me to speak.

“Yes. On the agenda for today’s emergency council meeting is what I like to call the Dating Debacle.”

“Ooh, this sounds good,” Ro whispered.

I glared at her playfully before I explained it all. They already knew bits and pieces but the emergency council needed all the details. I started from my shave ice conversation with Dean about how we could only be just friends and went all the way down to Linda calling him “my young man”. They listened intently with wide eyes and an occasional gasp until I had laid it all out on the table.

“So you see,” I said at last, “I have no idea what to do.”

“Let’s think about this logically,” Hazel began in true sensible Hazel fashion. “The two options are either go along with what Kendra said or tell him the truth. Obviously the right option is telling the truth. But is it the best option?”

“Yeah, we also need to think with the heart. You need to do what makes you happy, too,” Ro put in. “What do you want to do?”

I groaned. “Well, of course I want Dean to fall in love with me. I’ve wanted that for years. And after the whole friendship conversation we had, I might actually believe Kendra when she said this could be my only chance. But I don’t want it to be a lie.” I told them Kendra’s point that if he fell in love it wouldn’t be a lie anymore because we’d really be dating.

Ro and Hazel looked thoughtful as I continued. “But look, it feels extra wrong given the fact that he just told me he doesn’t want to date and risk our friendship in any way.”

“You’ve watched as many rom-coms as the rest of us.” Ro scoffed. “That just means he’s scared. Dean’s a pretty sensible guy. If he really wasn’t interested at all he would have just said that.”

Hazel nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, if he’s saying he doesn’t want to try dating because it’s a risk that definitely means he’s thought about it for sure.”

“I don’t know guys…” My voice trailed off as my thoughts spun.

Ro’s face softened as she watched my internal struggle. “You can tell us. What’s going on in your head, Kase?”

I swallowed and blinked back the tears that had suddenly clouded my vision. These were my best friends. They’d been with me through so many of my ups and downs over the years. There wasn’t anything I couldn’t tell them. But this was my biggest fear about the Dating Debacle.

“You know that Dean and I have been friends almost as long as we have. I’ve basically always liked him. And I don’t even know when I fell in love with him.” I paused, that last part wasn’t really true. I knew exactly when I’d fallen in love with him, but that wasn’t the point of this conversation.

“What if I agree to this and he still doesn’t fall in love with me? What if I’m just not the kind of person he can love?” I felt years of old insecurities threatening to rise up, but I shoved them back. I had worked hard during college and since graduating to overcome my insecurities. I liked who I was and didn’t need a man’s attention or love to be okay. I knew that. I’d been living it for years. But was it so bad to want it? Especially if that man was Dean?

“It’s okay to want to be loved, Kase,” Hazel said as though she saw straight into my thoughts. “You don’t have to be ashamed of that. Love and connection are essential for humans. And it’s okay that you’ve found the one human you want it from more than anyone else.”

“And,” Ro held up a finger, “if Dean doesn’t fall in love with you, he doesn’t deserve your love anyway. You are incredible, and you have so much to offer to the world and in a relationship. But you don’t need to spend all your time loving someone who isn’t smart enough to scoop you up and love you back.”

I smiled at my friends. “Thank you, you guys are the best.” They both nodded as if claiming the title. “So, do you think I should do it?”

“Yes!” They exclaimed in unison.

I still wasn’t entirely convinced that this was the best idea. I knew it was lying. And even if he did somehow magically fall in love with me, if he ever got his memory back, he wouldn’t be happy about it. But Ro and Hazel’s excitement won me over. At least for now.

“Okay then,” I laughed. “Let’s start making some plans.”