The Season of Falling

26. Chapter 26

Chapter twenty-six

Kasey

The next few days were torture. I drifted around aimlessly like an outsider in my own life. I hadn’t heard from Dean since our fight, and it was killing me. Every time I picked up my phone to call or text, I remembered the pain in his eyes when he realized I’d been lying to him, and a fresh wave of tears came to my own eyes. The worst case scenarios from the list I’d made with Ro and Hazel kept flashing through my mind unhelpfully. I was already living the worst case scenario. Dean and I weren’t speaking because he was so hurt and angry at me, and I had no idea how to fix it. Or even if I could.

I went through the motions at work, but my heart and mind weren’t in it, and Matt noticed.

“How are things going, Kasey?” Matt asked, craning his neck to talk to me over the cubicle wall dividing our desks.

I shrugged. “Fine, I guess.”

“You’re obviously the furthest thing from fine,” Linda said as she came up beside my desk. Apparently Linda had noticed as well. I shrugged again, knowing that if I opened my mouth, way too much was going to come out.

“I’m going to have to agree with Linda on this one.” Matt gave me a sympathetic look, and I felt the heat build behind my eyes.

I took a deep breath to calm myself before speaking. “I messed up really badly with a friend, and now things aren’t looking good for us.”

Linda gave me a knowing look and gestured for me to follow her to her office. Matt smiled encouragingly as I passed by his desk.

“I’m assuming you’re talking about Dean, right?” Linda asked as I lowered myself in the chair across from her desk.

“Yes. He got more of his memories back, including a conversation we had where he told me that he didn’t want to date.” I winced, realizing more and more how wrong I’d been to let the lie go on. “And now he’s understandably upset, and I have no idea what’s going to happen or what I should do.” I quickly wiped at a few tears that trickled down my cheeks.

Linda folded her hands neatly on her desk and studied me for a few moments. “You need to apologize,” she said shortly.

“We haven’t talked in a few days, and I don’t even know if he’ll want to hear from me.”

“Kasey, you’re both adults. Sometimes it’s good to take the time to think and cool off. It seems like you’ve done that part. That next step is to talk about it, to apologize. Nothing is going to change or get better if you skip that step. I know it’s a scary thing to do, trust me. But good things often can’t happen until after we step out of our comfort zones and take a little risk.”

There was wisdom in what she was saying, but my heart was broken and it shouted louder than my head. “Didn’t you encourage me to do this thing with Dean? And look where it got me.” I muttered the last bit under my breath.

“I did,” she said simply. “And I wouldn’t change my answer either. You would have regretted it forever if you didn’t try, and even though right now this feels like an impossible situation, don’t lose hope.” Linda smiled comfortingly at me before standing and gesturing toward the door. “Now, why don’t you take the rest of the day off. I don’t think you were going to get much done anyway.”

My laugh was a little watery, but I thanked her and walked back to my desk to gather my things. Matt still looked concerned, and I assured him that I was fine before slowly leaving the building and getting into my car. I sat in the stillness and contemplated Linda’s words.

I knew that Dean and I needed to talk. I’d thought about texting or calling so many times, but I never had, wanting to give him the time and space he needed. But Linda was right. We couldn’t just run away from our problems. We needed to talk and figure out what this all meant for us and our friendship.

Just as I reached to put my key in the ignition, my phone rang. It was the hospital calling, and my stomach dropped. Grandpa had been doing better ever since the day of the kayak trip when he’d stayed overnight. Afterward, he’d gone home, resumed normal life, and been his usual cheerful self. I knew it couldn’t last, but I wasn’t sure if my heart could take anything else.

“Hello?” I said timidly.

“Ms. Whiting? This is Doctor Evans from the Burlington Hospital.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Whiting. Your grandfather is in kidney failure. I’m afraid the speed in which his symptoms are coming on leads us to believe that he doesn’t have long. A day or two, possibly a week at most.” The man kept talking, but the blood pounding in my ears blocked everything else out. When he hung up, I stared at my phone in shock, mind reeling with the news.

He doesn’t have long.

I expected the tears to come, but somehow my eyes remained dry as I called my dad. It went straight to voicemail, though, and I left a message. My thoughts were spinning too much to remember what day he and Charlotte were flying back from Europe. Hopefully he was on the plane home and would make it here soon.

My fingers shook as I pulled up Kendra’s contact next. I took a deep breath and willed the tears to hold off a little longer. I hadn’t spoken to Kendra since I blew up on her after my fight with Dean, but the news about Grandpa made everything else going on seem small and nearly insignificant.

“Kasey.” Kendra exclaimed as soon as she answered. “I’m so glad you called. I’ve been feeling awful about everything, and I wanted to apologize, but I didn’t know if you’d be ready to talk yet, so I wanted to give you some space and—”

“Kendra.” I cut in sharply. I released a tense breath before continuing. “We can talk about all of that later. I just got a call from the hospital, and Grandpa is in kidney failure. The doctor said he’s deteriorating quickly and probably doesn’t have much time left.” My voice broke and I sniffed. “You should get here as soon as you can.”

There was silence on the other end for a few long moments before Kendra spoke quietly. “Oh…” A choking breath escaped her. “I’ll pack and come right now. Oh, Kasey, I’m not ready for this.”

“Me either. I don’t know if you can ever really be ready for something like this. Text me when you leave, okay?”

“I will. And, Kasey? I really am so sorry for everything.”

“I know, me too. I’ll see you soon.”

I didn’t know how I was able to keep it together, but as soon as we hung up, I felt the tears rise. I blinked furiously, wanting to drive home and curl up in bed before I lost it. But my efforts were in vain. One tear slipped free and then the floodgates were opened. I leaned forward and rested my head on the steering wheel, wrapping my arms around myself. Tears poured down my cheeks, and I was unable to stop them for a very long time.