The Season of Falling

27. Chapter 27

Chapter twenty-seven

Dean

I was miserable. Kasey and I hadn’t talked in days, and I missed her. But it warred with the need to be upset. I couldn’t just get over the fact that she had lied to me. Especially about something as serious as this. I felt hurt and betrayed, and I didn’t know where to go from here.

Sarah and the twins had been gone for a day, and the house felt empty without them. I tried to work on some lesson plans for the few art classes I was still teaching, but I couldn’t stay focused. Instead, I changed and slipped on my shoes to go for a run. It hadn’t been a regular habit for me since college, but I needed to do something.

I backed out of the front door, checking that all the lights were off, and when I turned back around I came face to face with Kasey’s sister.

“Kendra? What are you doing here?” Just the sight of her and her connection with Kasey made my chest ache.

“I came to talk to you…Can we go inside? It’s kind of cold out here.” She shivered as if to emphasize her point, and I realized she was right. It would be November before long and snow wouldn’t be far behind. I gestured for her to follow me and we walked inside.

“Can I get you water or something?” I asked as she settled herself on the couch.

“No, thank you. I can’t stay long anyway.” She fell silent and I took the chair to the left of where she sat.

After a few moments, I cleared my throat. “So, what did you—”

“Kasey told me!” she burst out. I wanted to ask what exactly Kasey had said, but Kendra went on before I could. “She said you two haven’t talked ever since you realized what’s been going on. But you guys are best friends. And I couldn’t bear being the reason you don’t stay friends.”

“I appreciate you coming over here, Kendra, but you’re not the one who’s been lying to me for weeks.”

“But it’s my fault.” she cried. “I’m the one that came up with the idea of the two of you dating. While You Were Sleeping is one of my favorite movies, and when Kasey told me about your accident and amnesia, I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to recreate the movie with your lives. Kasey was really mad at me at first. But I convinced her that this could be her only chance to see what it would be like for you to be in love with her just as much as she’s in love with you.”

My breath caught at her words. Kasey had already admitted her feelings, but there was something about hearing it from someone else so matter-of-factly. I shook my head absently, and Kendra went on.

“Don’t blame her, Dean, please. She’s been miserable, and I don’t think I’ve seen her cry this much since our mom died. I’m not saying that to guilt you or anything,” Kendra rushed to say. “I just mean that this has really hurt her. I’m sure it’s hurt you, too. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go like this. I imagined a happily ever after.” She sniffed and got to her feet. “But regardless of how it all ends, don’t blame her, okay?”

My mind was still trying to process everything she’d said, and all I could do was nod and walk her to the door. “Thanks for coming to tell me this, Kendra.”

Her lips pulled in a thin smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I think your friendship might be the best thing that’s ever happened to her,” she said as she passed me and walked outside. And then she was gone, walking down the steps and climbing into her car.

Kendra’s parting words bounced around in my head as I went back inside and to the kitchen. They sounded familiar, but trying to pin it down felt like trying to grab a fistful of sand, all of it slipping through your fingers. I sat at the table and dropped my head into my hands, rubbing small circles on my temples.

I kept turning the words over and over in my mind for the next few days. I was lying on my bed trying to sort through everything when suddenly, the box in my brain was unlocked, and a flood of memories came pouring out.

Last year, Kasey had gone with me to a field hockey game at the high school. She wasn’t a huge sports person, but she'd said she wanted to spend time with me no matter what we were doing.

“You really don’t have to come with me.” I said, laughing at her expression. “I can go by myself; it’s no big deal.”

“No, no. I want to go with you. I’m just not super excited about the sports part of it.” She wrinkled her nose, and I laughed again.

“Wow, you must really like being my friend if you're willing to sit through a field hockey game,” I teased.

Her face became serious as she looked at me. “I think your friendship might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Of course I’ll sit through a game with you.”

We didn’t express our feelings like that very often, and while I was genuinely touched by her words, I was a little uncomfortable and wanted to lighten the mood. I put my hand over my heart dramatically. “Why, Kasey. What a charmer you are.”

She snickered and pushed lightly on my arm. “Oh stop it. Come on, let’s go so we can get you a decent seat.”

Kasey’s declaration of friendship that day had meant a lot to me, but I’d never really spent much time thinking about why she’d said it or what it meant to her. I sat up straight as the next memory crashed over me.

“Christmas in Vermont is my favorite,” Kasey said with a dreamy sigh as we walked down the snowy street. There were twinkling lights strung up, candy canes tied to every pole, and Christmas music playing softly in the background.

I bumped her with my shoulder, careful not to make her slip. “I thought autumn was your favorite,” I teased.

She bumped me back. “You’re right. But really it’s all my favorite. I love Vermont. Wisconsin was great for school, but honestly, I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”

I nodded. “I didn’t even grow up here, but I’m with you. I think this place is magical.” I pointed out a patch of ice, and Kasey veered closer to me to avoid it. “Whoa, I’m pretty sure the rule is that you have to stay on your side of the sidewalk.”

Grinning, she moved even closer, not stopping until I was tromping through the snow piled next to the sidewalk. Satisfied with herself, she started back to her side.

“Not so fast.” I reached for her and grabbed her hand before she was out of reach, pulling her toward me. She tried to resist, but her boots slid across the icy path. She laughed and shrieked as I gave one last tug and pulled her into the snow with me.

“Hey, not fair. These boots don’t have traction.” She leaned on a lamppost and lifted one foot to show me the bottom of her shoe.

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you pushed me off into the snow,” I said with a laugh. I only took a few steps toward the sidewalk before I felt a cold, wet ball hit the back of my head. I whirled around to find Kasey looking all too casual propped up against the pole. “Did you just throw a snowball at me?”

She shook her head, and I could see the smile begging to be released across her face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“This means war,” I said solemnly, walking slowly back towards her. “You understand, of course. It’s nothing personal.”

She took a few quick steps away, trying to get around me and back to the sidewalk. But I was quicker. I crouched and gathered some snow before darting forward and sprinkling it down on her head. She squealed and turned to run, flinging out threats as she went.

It wasn’t that late but it felt like we were enclosed in our own little snow globe for a time as we ran and laughed and threw snow at one another until our hands were red and stinging and we couldn’t feel our toes.

I laughed, remembering Kasey’s gasp of surprise as I’d let that first handful of snow fall over her. I loved how we teased and laughed with each other. There was never a dull moment when we were together.

One memory after another came to me. There were lots from the locked away amnesia memories and others from the first few years of our friendship. My mind even replayed some memories of these last few weeks and the dates we’d gone on. It was like I was watching a movie with all the best moments of our friendship. Only with each memory that ran through my mind, I began to see hints of Kasey falling in love.

But even more than that, I could see it in myself as well. I didn’t know exactly when it started, maybe from the first moment we met in that Art History class. But with each memory that played through my mind, I watched myself fall for her. For her smiles and laughter. For her kindness and compassion. For her heart and the way she looked at me like I hung the moon.

I stood from the table and wandered to the photo collage I had on my living room wall. There were pictures of me with Sarah and the twins, my parents and grandparents, and our friend group. But Kasey’s face was on there more than anyone else’s but my own. In every picture of us, we were standing next to each other, smiling wide. How had I never realized it before? How had I never seen what was right before my eyes?

I was in love with Kasey Whiting, my best friend.

The more I thought about it, the more I started to see why she had gone along with Kendra’s scheme. For so long, I had shot down any chance of a relationship between us. I’d essentially broken her heart over and over. I winced at the thought, rubbing absently at my own chest. If the roles were reversed, would I have been able to resist the opportunity to explore a spark between us?

I was still hurt by the way she had broken my trust, but it was as though my realization had drained all the anger from my body. I released a long breath, and a small smile spread across my face. There were still things we needed to figure out, things that needed to be said and explained. But Sarah was right. I couldn’t live my life in fear of losing what mattered most to me. I wanted Kasey in my life, but just friends wasn’t enough. It really hadn’t ever been enough.

My smile got bigger at the thought of seeing Kasey again. Of taking her in my arms and kissing her, no lies or pretenses hanging in the air. Just us. I strode towards the door and grabbed my keys from the entry table on my way out. I needed to talk to her.