Theoretically Perfect (Theoretically Straight #2)

17. Caleb

SIX WEEKS LATER

Saturday, March 9

“Caleb! Over here!”

Elise stands on top of her chair, waving both arms over her head. The patio at Spookies coffee shop is packed. The early spring warmth arrived last week, and everyone seems more than eager to shed their winter wardrobes and spend some time in the fresh air.

“Do you think Elise ever has the thought, ‘Maybe I shouldn’t yell at the top of my lungs?’” Wren asks as we make our way down the sideway to the outdoor seating area.

“I think there’s a better chance of Freddy swearing celibacy.”

The gang has pulled two of the metal tables together to make enough room. Harrison and Elise are on one end of the table, while Freddy and Andrew anchor the opposite end. Oliver sits in the middle, an open book face-down on the table in front of him as he scrolls on his phone. Theo isn’t here yet, but that’s only because he needed to shower after his early morning shift at Cathy’s. It’s amazing how the smell of fried chicken and syrup can stick to a person.

“About time you showed up,” Freddy quips as I take the seat opposite Oliver. He checks an invisible watch on his wrist, then cracks a smile.

Wren rolls their eyes, patting me on the shoulder. “Caleb needs his beauty sleep. And I was up late working on my submission.”

“Submission?” Andrew repeats, his fair brow twisting with confusion.

“Wren’s submitting their work to a special effects contest down in Atlanta,” Freddy explains, his left hand wrapped up in Andrew’s right. “They can win scholarship money for one of the institute’s certificate programs over the summer.”

“That’s awesome!” Elise chimes in, leaning forward on her elbows. “What are you designing?”

“It’s not done yet,” Wren says, waving a hand like they are swatting away the question. “I’ll show y’all when it’s ready.”

Elise sticks out her bottom lip in a pout. “Come on, not even a little hint?”

“Relax, babe,” Harrison tries to console her, running a hand up her arm.

“Don’t tell me to relax,” Elise snips, pulling away from him. “You know that drives me up the freaking wall.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Harrison says quickly, an undertone of frustration in his voice.

“Mom, Dad, stop fighting in front of the kids,” Oliver says, not bothering to look up from his phone.

Elise flicks a straw wrapper at Oliver, but it goes wide and lands in Andrew’s lap, who calmly sets it on top of the empty plate in front of him.

“I’m going to order,” Wren announces. “Caleb, you want the usual?”

“Yes, please.”

Wren gives me a thumbs-up before heading into the cafe.

“I need another drink, too,” Harrison says, grabbing his empty cup and following after Wren. Elise watches him go, a frown setting in deeper and deeper.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Elise says, making her exit as well.

“What’s up with them?” I ask Oliver once she’s out of earshot.

He shrugs. “Who knows, man. I can’t keep up with those two. If they’re not fighting about one thing, it’s another.”

“The straights are not okay,” Freddy jokes and Andrew chuckles.

“Where’s Theo?” Andrew asks, nodding to the empty chair beside me.

“He should be on his way,” I say, checking my last message from him again. This is the first weekend since he’s had his driving privileges reinstated. For the last month-and-a-half, we’ve been constrained to hanging out at Theo’s place (not the best place for making out), so everyone is eagerly awaiting his arrival. “He had to work this morning.”

“That sucks,” Andrew replies, scrunching his nose. “Thank God I don’t have to work the weekends at the floral shop. Mom says that she doesn’t want to steal all of my free time.”

“Your mom is the best,” Freddy says, grabbing his cup and taking a swig. “Mine keeps saying that she wants me to start looking for summer jobs, but I think I can get away with helping at one of the youth soccer leagues instead.”

Oliver looks up from his phone. “I wish I could get a job. Dad already has the whole summer planned out with camping trips and our semi-annual drive out to Yosemite. I’m going to be stuck in a car for three days with my little sisters fighting over the iPad.”

Freddy grimaces. “That’s brutal, buddy.”

“What about you, Caleb?” Andrew asks. “Any cool summer plans?”

“I’m supposed to be traveling with my dad for a few weeks, shadowing him on set. He said they’ve technically got it set up as an internship through his company. That way, I can earn some college credit for the time I’m there. The schedule is kinda wonky, so we don’t know exactly where we’re going to be quite yet, but it’ll still be exciting wherever we end up–”

A pair of arms wrap around my neck, and the weight of someone’s head rests on my crown. “Sorry I’m late, guys.”

Oliver looks up from his phone. “Oh, I guess he is alive.”

Theo pulls away from me, sinking into the chair beside me, his still damp hair clinging to his forehead, and the pleasant, clean smell of his shampoo drifts through the air.

“What did I miss?” Theo asks, scooting his chair closer to me so his knee knocks against mine.

“Wren’s inside ordering and stayed up too late working on their submission for the scholarship contest,” Freddy starts, working through the recap. “Elise and Harrison are mad at each other for who knows what reason. Oliver is dreading a summer road trip with his family. Andrew’s mom is the coolest for not making him work weekends. I’m going to spend the summer bossing little kids around, and Caleb is going to be on set somewhere having a summer romance with Timothée Chalamet.”

Theo gives me a concerned look, and I snort a laugh. “Very funny, Freddy. That’s some imagination you have.”

“A boy can dream,” Freddy replies, wistfully staring into the middle distance.

“We’re talking about summer plans,” Andrew explains to Theo. “You know, the first warm week of the year, and everyone wants to skip right to the fun stuff.”

“Ah.” Theo lets out a sigh, slumping into his chair. “My family is going on our usual beach trip to Destin. Other than that, I’m stuck working at Cathy’s. Mom will probably volunteer me to work at Vacation Bible School again, too. Me and Harrison always get stuck running the soundboard for them.”

“Vacation what now?” Freddy asks, coming back to reality.

“It’s a church thing,” Andrew says, patting Freddy’s hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Bet,” Freddy replies, giving a thumbs up.

“I get roped into those, too,” Andrew continues. “I have to learn all those annoying songs that get stuck in your head for weeks. If I have to sing about Jonah and the whale one more time, I’m going to lose it.”

“Oh my god,” Theo groans. “Same. Last year was all about Joshua and marching around Jericho, and that marching song they sang still pops into my head at the worst times.”

I look over at Freddy, who returns my confused expression. “Are you getting any of this?”

“It’s like they’re speaking a different language,” Freddy replies, rolling his eyes. “Here, let’s show them how it feels. Nuestros novios son tan latosos.”

I snicker as Theo and Andrew continue their conversation over shared trauma. Brushing off my three years of Spanish electives, I reply, “ Si, pero son lindos.”

“Who are you calling cute?” Wren asks, setting my drink down before settling into the seat beside Oliver, who has picked up his book again.

“Don’t worry about it,” Freddy says quickly, craning his head to talk over Andrew. Theo and his conversation has moved on to ranking which puppet mascot they found the creepiest, which honestly sounds like a nightmare. “The church bros are having a moment.”

I cringe. “Can we chill with that nickname?”

“Agreed,” Wren chimes in. “It conjures images of frat boys with giant crucifix necklaces and a ‘hanging with Jesus’ tank top that even I’d find in poor taste.”

Elise returns to the table next, setting her bag down before sliding into her chair. “They’re not talking about VBS, are they?”

Freddy nods. “Unfortunately.”

“Gross. Harrison tricked me into helping last year, and there were just children running around everywhere with sticky fingers and runny noses. Never again.”

Harrison returns as Theo and Andrew reach a consensus on which mascot haunts their dreams. He sets a cup in front of Elise and then a plate with a gigantic chocolate chip cookie. “I’m sorry about before,” he says in a low voice, then kisses the top of her head. “Would you please forgive me?”

Elise eyes him for a moment, then scoops up the cookie, taking a bite. “Schorgiven,” she mumbles through the crumbs.

“Now that everyone is here,” I say, addressing the group. “My mom keeps asking me to solidify my birthday plans, but I have no idea what I want to do. Anyone have an idea?”

“Bouncy house!” Oliver suggests, straddling the edge of his seat.

“Uh, that’s certainly an idea. Anyone else?”

“I vote bowling,” Harrison adds, and Elise rolls her eyes.

“You always want to go bowling,” she nags.

“Goth party,” Wren says, their black nails drumming against the tabletop like rain on a tin roof. “I can paint everyone up to look extra spooky, and we can thrash around to death metal in your basement.”

“Okay, I’m starting to regret asking.”

Freddy props himself on an elbow, leveling a look at me. “It’s your party, Caleb. What kind of vibes are you going for?”

“Something a little more low-key? I kind of like the idea of having a party in the basement, just maybe not with death metal.”

“Your loss,” Wren says with a shrug.

“I’ve got a projector,” Andrew chimes in. “We could set up a movie thing?”

“Ooo! What if we did a good old-fashioned sleepover?” Elise suggests. “PJ’s, pizza, movies, the works!”

“I kind of like the sound of that,” I admit. “Is that okay with everyone?”

A murmur of agreement spreads across the table.

“What about you?” I ask Theo, giving his hand a squeeze.

“I don’t think my parents will go for the sleepover part,” he says, his lips pulled tight into a frown. “But I can hang out till my curfew.”

“I’ll take it. Maybe you could still wear some cute PJs even though you’re not sleeping over?”

“I don’t really have any pajamas,” he says, keeping his voice low while the others chatter excitedly about the party. “I’m usually a shorts and t-shirt kind of guy.”

“My birthday is still a few weeks away. We can go shopping for some. I’ll help you pick out something perfect.”

That gets a smile out of him.

“Deal.”

“Caleb,” Freddy interrupts, “tell Wren they can’t fill a pi?ata with fake blood. This isn’t going to be Slumber Party Massacre 5. ”

Wren snorts a laugh. “I should hope not. Too many tiddies.”

Theo pulls into my driveway, leaving the engine on.

“Can’t you come in for a few minutes?” I ask, checking the clock. There’s still half an hour before his curfew. “Both of my parents are home.”

Theo gives me a sly grin. “Wouldn’t you rather hop in the backseat for a little bit?”

My cheeks flush. “I’d like that very much, but I also know that Mom would come looking for me, so it’s better if I go ahead inside.”

“Fair,” Theo concedes, shutting off Eileen.

The warmth of the day left with the sun and I shiver as we get out of the car, making our way up the sidewalk to the front door.

“I’m home,” I announce, shedding my shoes and jacket by the door. Theo does the same, staying close to me. He’s been over enough times to have a place where his shoes stay, right beside mine.

A pleasant narrator’s voice from the living room tells me that Mom and Dad must be watching another documentary, so I take Theo’s hand and lead him down the hall, poking my head around the opening to find them sprawled out on the couch.

“Hey, honey,” Mom says, pressing pause on the remote. She’s got her laptop open in her lap and a heap of files stacked neatly on the coffee table. Dad snores softly on the other end of the couch, his arm tossed over his head in a way that seems like it should be painful. “Theo, good to see you. What are you two up to this evening?”

Theo and I take a spot behind the loveseat, and he’s trying to hide the fact we’re holding hands, but I place our clasped hands on top of the cushion in a way that I hope communicates that he doesn’t have to hide here.

“I think I’ve finally reached a decision on the birthday thing.”

Mom sets her laptop aside, giving me her undivided attention. “I’m all ears.”

“I want to have a slumber party with my friends in the basement. Freddy’s boyfriend Andrew is going to bring his projector over so we can watch movies down there and I figured maybe we can order pizza?”

“Sounds simple enough,” Mom says with a smile. “Theo, are your parents okay with you sleeping over?”

Theo stiffens beside me. “Probably not, ma’am. I’ll be leaving before midnight.”

Mom’s face scrunches. “I’ll mention it again, you can just call me Nora.”

“R-Right,” Theo stutters, “sorry, Nora.”

“No worries,” Mom replies, then snaps her fingers, causing Dad’s snoring to sputter. “That reminds me, Caleb. Your Nana is going to be in town for your birthday weekend. She wants to come over and have dinner on that Sunday. Theo, I was going to see if your family wanted to come and join us to celebrate?”

I look at Theo, and there’s panic in his eyes. “You don’t have to invite the whole family,” I add. “If you just want to come, that’s fine too.”

“I’ll ask them,” Theo answers. “Thank you, Mrs. Ray– Nora. ”

“Of course,” Mom says, grabbing her laptop again. “Caleb, I’ll take care of the food for the slumber party, and I’ll make sure that your dad doesn’t try and crash the party with his karaoke machine. We don’t want a repeat of your thirteenth birthday.”

I cringe at the memory of Dad with a microphone in his hand and some horrible nineties hip-hop song blasting through the tiny speaker.

“You’re the best,” I say, pulling Theo back towards the hallway. “We’re going upstairs for a few minutes.”

“If you see your sister, tell her I need the Henderson file back.”

“Will do,” I call from the bottom of the stairs. Theo follows me up to my bedroom, and I tell him to have a seat while I poke my head into Lola’s room. She’s at her desk, headphones on and fingers flying across the keyboard. I tap her on the shoulder, and she jumps, letting out the tiniest yelp.

“Jesus, Caleb. Thanks for making me piss myself.”

“My apologies to your chair, but Mom said something about needing the Henderson file back.”

Lola grunts, shuffling through a pile of paperwork beside her laptop. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll find it. What are you doing home so early on a Saturday night?”

“Theo’s got an early curfew,” I answer, motioning back toward my room. “We’re working on wrapping up my birthday plans before he has to head out.”

“Did Mom tell you Nana is coming over?”

“Yeah, she also shared the bright idea of asking Theo’s family to join us. Is that as crazy as I think it sounds?”

Lola purses her lips. “Do you think they’ll actually do it?”

“I don’t know,” I answer truthfully, keeping my voice low. “I’d be okay with Kora and Nate coming, of course. But what if his dad shows up? I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it through the night without screaming at him. Or worse, Nana will get ahold of him. Can’t imagine that would go over well.”

Lola snorts a laugh. “I think I’d actually pay money to see that.”

“It’s the stuff of my nightmares, Lola.”

“And you’ll be just fine,” she says, pulling a file from the stack she’s been rifling through. “Mom and Dad aren’t going to tolerate some homophobic asshole in their house. If he acts up, let them handle it. There’s no need for you to play mediator. It’s putting way too much pressure on yourself, Cal.”

I nod, letting out a sigh. “I just wish this were easier. That Theo didn’t have to come with all of these strings attached. I love him so much, but more and more, I find myself getting angry. Not at him, but the whole system that’s convinced him that loving me is a moral failing.”

“And you’ve got every right to be angry,” Lola agrees. “But maybe you should talk to Theo about how this is making you feel. Not to place blame or anything, but just so he knows what’s going on in your head if you happen to lash out at his dad over the dinner table.”

I grimace. “Sometimes I think I’ll scare him away if I told him what I really thought.”

Lola offers a sympathetic smile. “The same goes for all of us, Cal. Trust me, I’ve seen plenty of Mom’s clients speak what’s on their minds. Brutal honesty is just that. Brutal. But sometimes, it’s what’s needed.”

“I just don’t want to hurt him.” My voice cracks at the last word.

“I know, honey. But if you keep all of this anger bottled up, you’ll only end up hurting yourself. Or worse, hurting Theo in a way you can’t control.”

I wrap my arms around Lola, pulling her into my chest. “You really excel at this sisterly advice thing,” I say, resting my chin on top of her head. “You should be a shrink.”

She snorts another laugh, pulling her face from my shirt. “Let me take down at least one oil baron, Cal. Then we can talk about a career change.”

“Fair.”

“Now get out of my room. Your boyfriend is waiting for you, and I have to deliver a really gross file to Mom.”

“Do I even want to know?”

“I wouldn’t tell you if I could, kiddo.”

Lola ushers me out of her room, disappearing downstairs with the file tucked under her arm. I find Theo sitting where I left him, looking down at his phone and tapping his sock-covered foot on the floor in an aimless rhythm.

“Stop being adorable,” I tell him, crossing the room and sinking into the chair by my desk.

“Sorry, it’s my natural state,” Theo says with a grin, stashing his phone in his pocket. “We’ve got about five minutes before I need to be on the road.”

“Five minutes, huh?” I say, glancing over at the door. Pushing off, I roll my chair over and shut it, then hop out. “What could we ever do to fill the time?”

Theo’s hands are on me before I can finish the teasing sentence, his lips finding mine in a flurry of motion that leaves me breathless.