Twisted Deceit (Deceit #3)

Chapter 36

The tears didn’t exactly stop, not even when I forced a few bites of warmed up chicken down. No amount of bribing was going to get me to eat more than that. All I wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep for the next three days.

I hated taking a white pill in the middle of the day, and I’d still have to take one before going to bed tonight.

“One more bite?”

I had to give Jasper a tiny bit of credit. He really was trying to get me to eat a full piece of chicken, but it wasn’t going to happen.

I pushed the take-out box a bit further away from me.

“Alright. We’ll try again later.”

Did that mean he was staying? Or staying until Dawn got back?

Not having enough energy to dwell on the question, I slowly stood from the table, and shuffled towards the couch. There was no way I’d make it up the stairs on my own at the moment.

Nearly flopping onto the couch, I somehow got myself folded up against a corner, feet on the cushion, and head laying a bit awkward on the arm. I wasn’t comfortable, and my body would hate me later, but it was as good as I was going to get when I didn’t have much care in the world.

I focused on my breathing as Jasper put away the food. Water ran, then his feet were headed my way.

“That doesn’t look comfortable,” he mused as he sat a couple of bottles of water down on the coffee table before taking a seat on the other side of the couch. “I’ll hold you, if you want.”

Liking that idea, I slowly got my body to flop towards him instead of the armrest. Jasper ended up having to help me, getting me to lean against his side with an arm wrapped around me.

My nose pressed against my shoulder, breathing him in as my body relaxed.

If he had held me like this before, when a magic pill wasn’t in my system so much, a certain body part would be awake and I’d be doomed. It was bad enough I had a crush on this man; one that would never be returned.

“I won’t go anywhere until you tell me to.” His whispered words were accompanied by a light squeeze.

“Want you to stay.” I hoped my words came out, since to my ears, it all sounded underwater garbles.

“I’ll be here. You can lay down, or stay right where you are. Or whatever.”

Glancing up towards him, I wasn’t sure he’d really want me to crawl into his lap. My heart craved it. Craved to be held and cherished.

I blinked, causing another couple of tears to trickle down my cheek.

“I’d love nothing more than to take away whatever reason you’re crying, but I know that’s not an option I can do. So, for now, I will hold you however you need me to.”

All I could manage was to snuggle deeper into his side. I just wanted him to tell me where he needed me. I wanted him to pull me to whatever position was best.

Choices weren’t something I was great at to begin with. And right now, it wasn’t something I could even do.

“You know what…” Jasper sighed, like he wasn’t so sure about what he was about to propose. “Screw it. Tell me if you don’t want something. Or use those colors we talked about.”

“Hmmhmm.”

As the seconds ticked by, and my brain knowing I was in a safe place, my body was falling deeper and deeper into that blissfulness of nothing.

Once again, I squinted my eyes open enough to figure out what was going on as Jasper picked up my entire body, putting me into his lap like I was a child.

With my side against his front, head resting along his neck and his arms wrapped around me, I found the comfort I had been wanting since the last time I had been held in his hold.

“Much better, don’t you think?”

I think I may have nodded.

“Sleep, little dove.”

That, I certainly could do.

***

“Doing okay. Didn’t eat much.”

Although Jasper’s voice was quiet, I still heard it. It was hard not to when my head was laying right there.

Keeping my breathing even, and my body as slack as possible, I tried to listen closer to who was here, and what was being said.

“How long has he been asleep?” Dawn asked. She sounded closer now that I knew she was there.

“An hour or so.” A hand ran up and down the side of my arm, keeping me content.

I’d never wake up if I could stay right here forever.

“Then I’ll have enough time to get some soup going. I’ll make extra for Mrs. Lee.”

Jasper’s response was a simple hum against the top of my head. Then, I could have sworn that he pressed a soft kiss there, too. But I had to imagine that.

“Darn it, Koda. You weren’t meant to be so dangerous for my heart.” I was pretty darn sure I wasn’t meant to hear that part. “How can a simple, tortured boy like you be what my heart beats for?”

Like I’d have an answer to that, I scoffed inward.

“And I’m just rambling to someone who isn’t even aware of what they’re doing to me. And now I’m talking to myself. Great.”

I couldn’t stop the small giggle that came out. It was small enough I could cover it with a cough, but I highly doubted he believed that.

“Hey, little – uh. Koda. Honey.”

I rubbed my face against his neck, soaking up the few extra seconds I had in his hold.

“Sorry for waking you.”

I just breathed.

“Asher texted, checking in to make sure you were okay.”

“Hmm.” I was okay, I think. Just sleepy mostly. And probably hungry.

“Your phone’s been blowing up, by the way. I’m assuming it could be Noah, since everyone else you’d text is in this house.”

Pulling back enough to itch my nose, I got a whiff of myself. How could Jasper put up with my stink?

Although I knew I should get up, I didn’t. I fell back against Jasper’s chest.

“How are you feeling?”

“Sleepy.” If I was lucky, I’d get just enough energy to make it to my bed upstairs, but the idea of getting clean was already draining.

“I think some food will help wake you up a little.”

Maybe. But that meant I had to move.

He lapsed into silence once more, so much so I thought maybe I had fallen back asleep. I at least dozed off, aware but not of everything going on around me.

I was safe. I was warm. And I never wanted to move.

In Jasper’s hold, I felt put together in a way I hadn’t in a very long time.

“I think we need to have a talk about some stuff when you are more awake, and able to think clearer.”

My heart sank.

I’d watched enough shows and movies to know what that meant.

Despite the muttered words earlier, Jasper was going to push me away. He was going to draw that line that I was trying to shard to not cross over.

Friends weren’t going to be a thing between us after that talk. I didn’t need him to speak the words to know that.

I felt it deep in my bones.

If I thought surviving life was just bearable, heartache was ten times worse. At least I already had a pill in my system, and my tears had dried up for the time being.

Tomorrow, though, wasn’t going to be any easier.