Twisted Deceit (Deceit #3)

Chapter 44

As I dozed, the tears never fully stopped. Maybe it had something to do with not crying much for the past two years.

Jasper moved to lay on the couch, head resting on a pillow that I think I put there weeks ago, with me still clinging to him.

For the time being, everything in the world was waiting on pause. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to rejoin the living, either.

I was content to lay on Jasper, legs spread out alongside his. For now, it was as if nothing could ever touch me again. Even my broken heart was put back together, even if the tape and glue was not likely to hold long.

I sniffed, pressing my face closer to his neck. Jasper always smelt so different than any other man ever had. He was clean, warm and safe.

Every part of me was so tired, worn out from fighting day in and day out to just survive. It was bone deep, leaving me weak.

Breathing in deep, I didn’t want my mind to come back. I wanted it to stay powered off so I didn’t have to think ever again.

A whimper rumbled my chest as Jasper moved one of his hands from around my back. Fear instantly crashed into me.

“Shh. I’m not going anywhere, little dove. I'm right here.”

The logical part of my brain told me that he couldn’t go anywhere as long as I was laying on top of him, but I wasn’t being logical at all. Or ever, for that matter.

“Just have to answer a call. I’m right here.” He whispered to my head before moving enough to do as he said. “Hey, Ash.”

I was close enough to hear the voice on the other side. “How’s the moving going?”

“Slow. Can’t unpack too much until I finish painting, and I have renovations starting Monday on the kitchen.”

“And you think that’ll get a certain boy to come over,” Asher didn’t seem to think so.

“Yeah. I’ll buy whatever it takes to show him that I’m not going anywhere.”

“Still can’t believe your parents did that crap, and all for a house they didn’t end up with anyways. But let me know and me and Noah will come over and help paint. Beckett too, on his days off.”

“Will do. Maybe that alone will lure a certain little dove from his cage.”

“Wish you all the luck. Have you seen him since you got back?”

“Yeah. Long story that won’t be shared.”

“Alright. Well, if you talk to him, can you tell him hi. We’re worried.”

“Will do. Once he’s done hating me, I’ll let him know.”

“Always hate you,” I muttered, but wiggled to press further into him. If I pushed anymore, I’d become one with the man. And maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea.

“You’re with him?” Asher seemed surprised.

“Something like that.” Jasper grimaced as I pressed my knee into his thigh. “Owe, hon. Settle. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Then why the heck are you talking to me? A quick text would have been fine.”

“Because you called.”

“Now I’ll end that call. Text me when you start painting.” With that, Asher ended the call, and Jasper easily set the phone aside before wrapping me back up with both arms.

There were so many questions, and not enough energy in me to ask them, least of all thinking them clearly enough to even try to speak them. Instead, I moved again, this time a knee went in between both of his legs. That put one of his legs between mine, too and maybe that wasn’t the greatest idea.

I forced my body to stop moving. If I kept it up, a part of me would demand to have attention and that just wasn’t going to happen. Especially with this man. Or any man. Ever.

Nope.

Wasn’t going to think of that either.

I huffed, fed up once more with my thoughts. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to deal with the emotions of everything that came with thinking or acting.

“Dawn went to get some food for you.” Jasper’s words rumbled in his chest against my ear. “I’d ask when the last time was you ate, but I’m afraid to know the answer.”

Days ago , I thought. And even at that, it wasn’t more than a few bites of toast before I couldn’t stomach any more.

“But that’s going to change,” he went on, voice lowering. “You will eat decent meals. Get good nights of sleep.”

“Mkay.” I sighed. I didn’t want to fight anymore.

“I’ll earn your trust back. One day at a time. I’ll prove to you that you don’t have to hate me; that you can count on me. I won’t leave you like that again. I promise.”

Promises always got broken, but I nodded anyhow, sleep trying to tug me away again.

“After Dawn gets back with food, you will eat for me. I’ll feed you if I have to.”

Why did that sound…dare I say, appealing?

“Then, you’ll take a good shower, and we’ll watch a movie together. After that, I’ll leave for the night. But I’ll be back tomorrow morning with breakfast.”

Tomorrow sounded too far away, and who knows what would happen over the night hours. But still, I nodded.

“After that, we’ll talk. You’ll listen, and you won’t yell about how much you hate me. We’ll talk . Which means you’ll need to talk to me, too. To answer all the questions, I have and we’ll make a plan to get you back onto a good, healthy and sane path.”

“If you say so,” I yawned.

“I do say, little dove. You’ve suffered enough. No more hiding. No more fighting against what you know you need.”

“Wise choices.” Right? I hoped so.

“Very wise ones.”

A door clicked shut, then steps towards the kitchen. And with it, smells of whatever soups Dawn picked up wafted towards me.

“We gotta get up now, little dove.”

“Not hungry.” I had said it so many times over the past couple of years, it was automatic now.

But Jasper knew. He saw right through it, even if I was hungry. Maybe. I couldn’t tell anymore.

“Too bad. We’re going to go eat anyway. Up you go.”

I huffed, refusing to move. My body wasn’t ready. My mind, neither. I was content to lay right here and never move again. Even if I did have to pee.

Jasper, who must be a mind reader, easily maneuvered us both to sitting up. My legs were across his, my butt on the couch cushion.

“I’ll carry you.” Was that an offer or a threat?

Although it took way too much energy, I lifted my head enough to look at him. His eyes were dark and intense, waiting me out. In that one look, my stomach did a somersault, as if my soul knew something I had yet to figure out.

“Bathroom?”

“Can I trust you to go to the kitchen when you're done?”

Probably not, but I nodded.

“If you don’t make it there in ten minutes, I’ll come find you.” His voice deepened, a warning and promise all wrapped in one.

I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times before nodding.

“Good, little dove.” He pressed a kiss, so softly, to my forehead before helping me to stand. Only when he was sure my legs could hold my weight, did he walk me to the bathroom before leaving me to do what I needed.

It took a bit of work to get my hands to work with me, pulling down my pants enough to pee. It ended up not being far enough down, the trickle hitting the front of my pants instead of landing where it was meant to go.

Glaring at my stupidity, I eyed the door, wondering if Jasper was waiting for me. Could I sneak up the stairs and take a quick shower before meeting him in the kitchen?

I already made more than enough of a fool of myself. Having a complete meltdown like a toddler was bad enough. But going into another room with wet pants wasn’t an option, even though I was as low as I possibly could go.

Opening the door as slowly as I could, I peeked around the corner and down the hallway. Jasper and Dawn’s voices were low, but echoed my way, which meant that the coast was clear.

My feet barely made a sound as I quickly sprinted up the steps, and to my bedroom, where I grabbed whatever random clothes my hands landed on. Then, just as softly, I padded towards the bathroom, shutting the door tightly behind me.

The bathroom once had a lock, but Dawn had taken it off months ago. Which may have been one of the smartest ideas she’d come across with.

Although I had plans to make it a quick shower, it turned out to not be so fast. Once I was under the spray, the tears came once more. Some were from soap getting in my eyes, some for feeling so lost and overwhelmed with everything.

There was no hope at the end of the line. It was as though I’d keep pulling the rope with all my might, and all that happened was me being dragged backwards instead of getting anywhere.

How much more could I take? How much would it take before I officially cracked even farther, and never returned?

Forcing my body to move, I finished up, and then dried off. I didn’t bother to brush my hair. I simply put on a shirt that was two sizes too big, and a pair of shorts. By the time I came out of the bathroom, Jasper was sitting on the floor across from me, waiting.

When he saw me, he stood, putting his phone back into his pocket.

“Feeling better?”

I shook my head. There wasn’t a point in lying.

“We’ll work towards it, then.” He stepped forward, and cupped my face in both of his hands. His thumbs swiped away tears before he crushed me against his chest.

“Food time.” He pulled back, taking a hold of my hand and leading me towards the kitchen. My feet followed, shuffling against the carpet on each step. With each step, my body leaned against him more and more.

“One more question of the day,” Jasper paused in front of the table. He lifted my face up with a knuckle under my chin. “Do you want options, or do you want me to take control?”

Whatever he wanted , I thought. I pointed at him, hoping he understood.

He smiled, taking the hand I pointed at him with, wrapping it in his. His own was so big around my own, and my gaze focused on that, even as Dawn set a bowl on the table.

“Good, little dove. I’m so proud of you. Do you remember those three colors we talked about? Red, yellow, and green?” He waited until I nodded. “Good. Use them at any time.”

“Kay.”

Jasper didn’t say anything as he took a seat, easily pulling me onto his lap and getting me to sit sideways. I leaned my side against his front, soaking up everything he offered.

I wasn’t sure how long it’d last. I knew it’d break me apart once again once he left, but for now, I needed him. Needed his comfort.

“After you eat...” Dawn sat my two pills on the table. No, there were three. I tilted my head. “Dr. Shaw and I agree you need a good night’s sleep. Weeks of nights of sleep. A sleeping pill to help get your body back on schedule is needed.”

Right. Sleeping pill.

I nodded.

“I know it’s early,” she went on. The sun was still out, so yeah, I guess so. “But you haven’t slept in weeks. Tomorrow, you have a meeting with Dr. Shaw, and Jasper offered to take you.”

Didn’t I already have a meeting with her tomorrow? I think I shrugged. Maybe I just blinked.

“I will be taking you.” He didn’t leave any other options. “And then maybe you could help me pick out some paint colors.”

Not likely, I thought, but snuggled deeper into Jasper’s hold.

I closed my eyes, ready to sleep right there. If only they’d let me.

“Open.” A tap to my mouth got me to open wide enough for a spoon. The soup was warm, but not too hot, as Jasper fed me.

My eyes stayed closed for so long, Jasper feeding me bite after bite slowly, as he and Dawn talked quietly. When I felt like I couldn’t eat another bite, I turned my face into Jasper’s neck once more, one of my hands tangled into the lower ends of his hair.

My fingers somehow found their way to his ear lobe, rubbing it between my thump and pointer. It was soft, and squishy and for some reason gave me a strange sort of comfort.

“Good boy,” Jasper praised. “You ate almost half. So proud of you.”

I hummed with a slow nod. I liked his words.

But I still hated him. So, I had to tell him that.