Victim (Damaged Devils #16)

Chapter Ten

The cursor blinked on the screen. Cannon truly felt like all he did was paperwork anymore. He hadn’t tried talking to Xan about it again, but fuck. Cannon still honestly thought he was done. Surely there was some private sector job for him or something. Even Jake had decided to retire and God only knew who Cannon would be forced to deal with next. It felt like there was something just out of sight, screaming for him to move toward it, and it wasn’t here.

For the hundredth time, Cannon pulled up his already written resignation letter and stared at it. He was terrified to pull the trigger. Cannon would miss the occasional adrenaline rush, right? Surely, he couldn’t be a bank manager or data entry clerk. He shuddered at the thought. That was why he hadn’t hit send. Cannon didn’t want to do this anymore, but he also had no clue what he wanted.

“Apparently, there’s cake and stuff in the break room.”

Cannon quickly minimized his screen and glanced up. “What?”

“For Jake’s retirement,” Gable expounded. “Cake and whatnot. Want to go?”

Cannon pushed his chair away from the desk. At least it was something to break up the monotony. He fell into step beside Gable on the way to the break room. “I thought you were some sort of liaison between the CIA and us now. Don’t you spend most of your time there? I haven’t seen you much.”

Gable shrugged. “I bounce around a bit. Honestly, I’ve been hanging around, hoping to hear who they plan to have take Jake’s place. Maybe I’ll need to put in to stay with the CIA full time, you know?”

Cannon fought the urge to admit he had his resignation letter drawn up already. “Yeah, I feel ya. God forbid we have to report to Dave or some shit.”

They both looked Dave’s way as they passed. The rat-looking guy had a notebook in his hand, not even bothering to hide the way he took notes on what everyone did. He was the office snitch. Everyone hated him.

Gable looked his way. His green eyes swam with laughter. “Fuck that.”

Cannon chuckled. “My thoughts exactly.”

Inside the break room, they found a huge cake already half gone and several two-liter bottles of various sodas. Cannon grabbed a red Solo cup for Gable and him.

Gable nodded toward the cake. “I’ll grab us a slice. You know what I like to drink.”

He did. They had once been partners for years. Cannon knew an unfortunate amount about Gable. That came with too many late nights and stakeouts. Sometimes people said too much when they got tired. Work friends usually knew more about each other than spouses. Surviving hell together and all that.

Gable reappeared with two slices of cake. They traded. One drink for one plate. They stood awkwardly in the corner and ate while people came and went in waves, grabbing their plates before returning to their desks. Gable no longer had a permanent desk here, and Cannon thought he might die if he had to go sit behind his computer again. Neither of them moved.

A new wave of people poured in. Cannon caught a glimpse of a guy’s profile. He spent a moment staring, racking his brain as he tried to decide where they had met before. Then the guy next to him turned and their gazes locked. It hit Cannon. His gaze moved between the first guy and his group of friends. It was them. There could be no doubt. They quickly scrambled from the room while Cannon stood in shock.

When he came back to himself, his gaze slid Gable’s way. The way Gable stood frozen—like a deer in headlights—he knew he was caught. Cannon calmly set his drink and plate aside. He headed back to his desk.

“Cannon. Wait up. Let me explain.”

Cannon didn’t look his way. He paused long enough to hit send on his resignation letter and log out. Cannon grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and headed out with Gable hot on his heels.

“You have to see this from the bureau’s point of view.”

Cannon didn’t stop. He jumped behind the wheel of his car. There was nothing to say. He had been set up and lied to. Tricked so he would fall in line. Most of all, Cannon had fallen in love with a guy who had pretended to get kidnapped and stabbed. Everything in his life was a lie. There was no going back.

“Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Gable raced to his nearby car. The CIA and FBI headquarters were both located downtown and were close enough to feasibly walk. That was what Gable chose most days, mostly so he could kill some time outdoors. Thankfully, he drove today. He couldn’t get to Xan fast enough. Never in a million years had Gable thought Cannon would cross paths with the team he had put together to kidnap Xan.

“Fuck me!” Gable slapped the steering wheel when he caught a red light. He didn’t know if Cannon was headed to kill Xan or what. Gable would never make it there first, but he had a terrible feeling, whatever Cannon had planned, it would be worse than a confrontation.

Gable raced so fast through every checkpoint at CIA headquarters, it took three swipes of his badge each time to unlock each door. He ran the length of the hallway to Xan’s office, forcing more than one person to scramble out of his way. When he reached his destination, Gable didn’t knock. He ripped the door open like he planned to tear it from its hinges. He was panting by the time he stopped.

Xan sat behind his desk with another man sitting across from him. The guy wore a leather jacket and jeans with biker boots. Gable gave him only a cursory glance before focusing on Xan. He didn’t have time to ask for privacy.

“He knows.”

Xan didn’t react immediately. It was as if he had to search his mind to decide what Gable meant, but there was only one “he” they had in common who was this important.

Xan shot to his feet. “How? You swore to me the team you put together would never cross Cannon’s path. ”

Gable made a helpless gesture. “How was I supposed to know Jake would retire? Free cake always brings the rats from the basement.”

The mystery man chuckled.

Xan and Gable shot him death looks.

He cleared his throat and visibly tried going back to pretending he wasn’t listening.

Gable focused on Xan. “He immediately jumped into his car and left. I tried to stop him. Then I raced here, thinking he might be headed this way.”

Xan scrubbed his forehead. “Fuck! I have to go. Take care of this,” he said, motioning toward the man in his office. Gable nodded, even though he had no idea what he was meant to do. Xan raced from the office without looking back. Gable watched him go.

The guy cleared his throat again, reminding Gable of his presence. “I believe I’m the ‘this’ you’re supposed to be taking care of.”

Gable’s gaze slid the man’s way. He had eerie-looking gray eyes. “Do you have any idea what I’m supposed to be doing with you?” He hoped at least one of them wasn’t clueless.

A wicked-looking smile stretched the man’s lips. Gable held his breath. Suddenly, he couldn’t wait to hear what the guy had to say, but he knew what he hoped to hear.

The back door stood wide and the open car trunk had a fuck ton of Cannon’s clothes inside. There were already suitcases in the backseat. The sight confirmed a growing suspicion Xan had. Cannon had been pulling away from work for months. Xan had wondered if Cannon planned to walk away. He had hoped, whatever Cannon plotted, those arrangements would include him. If they once had, it seemed they no longer did.

Xan moved quietly through the house. He followed the sound of shuffling. Xan found Cannon in the bathroom, tossing everything he owned into a duffle bag. He leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, blocking the way while waiting for Cannon to notice him. Cannon finally turned and froze. Xan’s stomach heaved. Cannon’s eyes were dead but also red rimmed, as if Xan had broken him.

“Where are you headed?”

Cannon didn’t respond.

Xan nodded. “I see. You don’t have a plan. Did you have any intention of allowing me to explain, or were you just running?”

“Why would I let you explain? Everything that comes from your mouth is a lie.” Cannon’s voice sounded hoarse—like he had been screaming into the void.

“I wish I knew how to respond to that. You weren’t supposed to find out.”

Cannon snorted. “I’ll bet. Is that how you justify everything in your mind? It doesn’t matter if you live a complete lie with me, as long as I don’t know it’s not real?”

“Everything about us is real.” Even Xan heard the rage in his voice. Cannon was not allowed to leave him.

Cannon’s sad eyes were breaking him. “Like I said, nothing but lies, so why should I bother?” He moved to shove his way past Xan. Xan physically blocked him, prepared to do whatever it took to keep Cannon there. It didn’t surprise him when Cannon punched him in the ribs.

Xan didn’t react. While Cannon obviously hadn’t held back, Xan had spent years being tortured to the edge of death. He could be a punching bag if that was what Cannon needed to forgive him. Cannon would fucking listen to him.

“When I told you I have no other option than the CIA, I wasn’t joking. I traded one prison for another. At least, this one looks like freedom. Except when I failed to change your mind back at that cabin using reason, it was a failure nonetheless. I knew they would come for me, and they knew you would too. Because that’s who you are, Cannon. You’re a hero. The good guy. They needed you to remember it. If that meant I had to be tortured, then that was a sacrifice they were willing to make.”

Cannon shook his head. “Why would I believe any of that? You’re indispensable at the CIA. I’m easily replaceable at the FBI. No way would they trade you for me.”

“They never planned to kill me, and they knew I could take whatever they dished out and be back to work on Monday. But it has nothing to do with who can be replaced and you know it. It’s about how much we’ve seen and know. You were enraged and causing noise. That was unacceptable. You’re not dumb, Cannon. There’s no way you didn’t realize I was the person tasked with keeping you in line. I’d been trying for a while. What did you think would happen if I couldn’t convince you to see things their way?”

“Congratulations. Hopefully, you got a raise for your performance. You absolutely had me fooled. But then again, I am a fool, so maybe it wasn’t that hard to make me believe you genuinely loved me. Truly Oscar worthy.”

Frustration welled in Xan’s chest. “I do love you. Yes, I followed orders in that cabin, to an extent. But no one told me to kiss you that night or keep coming back for more. No one told me you would make me feel something no one else ever has before. That was you. It was me. You’re perfect in every way to me. For me. This isn’t fake. It’s not an act. I love you. You have to believe me.”

Cannon shook his head. “No. I don’t.”

Xan dropped his head and stared at the floor. Cannon tried pushing past him again and Xan let him go this time. He didn’t know how to make Cannon see he loved him, but he was also beholden to the people who employed him. He couldn’t force Cannon to see how much this hurt and how sorry he was for what he couldn’t change.

Xan couldn’t keep watching Cannon pack. It hurt too badly. “If I could choose, I’d always pick you. I never would’ve lied. I’m sorry I wasn’t free to make that decision. For what’s it worth, I really do love you and I’m sorry.”

Having said all he could, Xan headed back to his car. The moment he was behind the wheel and started the vehicle, his phone rang. Jake’s name showed on the dash’s screen.

Xan hit the phone icon as he backed from Cannon’s driveway. “Hello?” Even he heard the defeat in his voice.

“Cannon resigned.”

Xan’s throat swelled. “I’m not surprised.”

“You know we had plans for him.”

With his elbow leaned on the door, and his arm holding up his head, Xan fought the urge to drive into the nearest tree. “I’m aware. ”

“So stop him.”

“Go fuck yourself, Jake.” Xan ended the call. When his phone immediately rang again, Xan tossed it out the window. He was exhausted and there was nothing left for him here.