Wildflowers and Wide Receivers

4. Jonah

Chapter 4

Jonah

I can’t stop thinking about her.

Surprised doesn’t even begin to cover how I felt seeing her walk into the room yesterday. I had no idea she was a doctor. We didn’t share those details during our night together. All I knew was that she was wicked smart, funny, confident, and the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Throw in her career and her bedside manner with Vivi, and now she’s out of this world. The fact that she works with children amplifies my regret over how things ended. I can’t help but wonder if things would have been different had I sucked up my pride and grieving heart, gotten her number, and made that call I owed her. Could she have made a difference or an impact on the progression of Vivi’s emotional state? On mine?

Of course I’ve thought about her over the past couple of years. I did a lot in the beginning, but like all things, it became less and less over time.

I had thought about reaching out to her before the funeral. I was aching for her to be there with me, this person I barely knew, but as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t bring myself to actually do it. It didn’t seem fair to drag her into this horrible, tragic event. I didn’t have her number, but it would have been easy enough to get it from Reid and Camille. We barely knew each other, and it wouldn't have been right or fair to throw her into the mix of all that I had to do with the funeral, house, and Vivi. To her or to us. No one should start a relationship like this. Then again, I assumed she had wanted to when maybe she didn’t.

Once we were settled back in Tampa, I again thought about reaching out to her, but I just couldn’t. I knew if I explained what had happened, she would understand, but so much time had already passed, and I felt like I missed my window and that ship had sailed. Also, I may be Vivi’s uncle, but for all intents and purposes, I became a single dad. I couldn’t love her any more than if she were my own. In fact, from the moment John told me they were pregnant, a spark for her permanently branded itself to my very being.

“You should get her a dog,” Reid says out of nowhere as we watch Vivi sit in the hot tub of his pool with their dog, Izzy. She may be limping around and moping because of the boot, but allowing her to be in the warm water and jet bubbles makes her happy. So does their dog, which is how we ended up here on a Friday night.

“Because I have so much time for a dog,” I say bluntly.

Crossing my legs on the black-and-white-striped lounge chair, I look out past Vivi, over the dock to the houses on the other side of the water. Taking a long pull of the beer I’m holding, I don’t tell him I haven’t thought about it because I have. It’s been over two years, and Vivi’s still closed off. Things don’t excite her anymore, at least not like they used to. Yes, she loves ballet to the point of it being an obsession, and she loves going out on the boat with Tyler to hunt for dolphins, but there’s really nothing else.

Well, ballet, dolphins, and Izzy.

“Ehh, you can make it work,” he says. “Plus, she’s old enough and responsible enough to help out.”

The outside lights flip on. Camille must have turned them. The sun has dropped low enough on the horizon that it falls behind the houses across the water, and we can no longer see it. Being lovely like she is, when we showed up at their door after school, she must have seen something on my face because all she did was smile big as she opened the door wide, cooked dinner for the four of us, and left Reid and me alone out here to chat. I know Reid’s right about the dog, but that word responsible gets me. I feel like I’ve had an overload of responsibility, and the dust is just now settling.

“Maybe.” I really should just pull the trigger and do it. All kids need a pet, and I’m allergic to cats, so those are out.

“How did her spring party at school go today?” He’s asking because Vivi and Camille spent several hours cutting out paper flowers for each classmate last weekend. They had to write something nice about each kid on them. In the class, they glued them on large sheets of construction paper so each of the sixteen kids could have a bouquet.

“Good. I was surprised they let us come in for it. Usually parents aren’t allowed. Each kid read a poem they wrote, we played a few games, they gave their parent a present—a sunflower seed that had sprouted in a painted flowerpot—and we ate a snack. One little girl named Heather talked to Vivi a lot.”

“Oh yeah?” he asks, turning to look at me surprised and delighted.

Outside of Tyler, we are closest to Reid and Camille, Bryan and Lexi, and Camden. Reid is also a wide receiver, Bryan is our quarterback, and Camden is a running back. As we are all on the offensive side of the team, we spend a lot of time together. When Vivi came into our lives, even though I had only been with the Tarpons for a few months, we found ourselves wrapped in their love, along with a few others from the team, and in our own unique way, we became a family. A family I will forever be grateful for.

“Yeah, I asked her about it later, and she just said they were friends. I asked if she wanted to invite her over, and all she said was maybe, but I’ll take it. Maybe is definitely better than no.” I take another pull of the beer and finish it off.

Other than the guys on my team and a few of the wives, Vivi hasn’t made any friends—not at school and not in her dance class. I saw the team psychologist about this around a year ago, and he said it was normal and fine. She was likely having a hard time emotionally connecting due to a fear of loss, but he assured me she would come around. People all handle grief differently, especially children. This really didn’t make me feel any better, but I needed another opinion besides the one from Vivi’s therapist. I’m just waiting for the day her joy returns. He warned me that it might not, that she experienced trauma at a young age, and she may have changed, but I would recognize when some of the heaviness she carries wore off.

“Absolutely,” he agrees. “I wonder if this girl is in her dance class, too?”

“I’m not sure, but now that you mention it, I’ll have to ask her. How’s Camille feeling?” I ask him just as Vivi laughs. Izzy has licked her in the face. Her laughter makes my heart sing. It’s so beautiful and so rare these days. I feel like I cling to these moments, hoping the next one will come sooner than the last.

Lifting my phone, I take a picture of her with Izzy standing over her.

“Good. It’s been crazy watching the way her body has changed and also the way she eats. She’s always been a good eater, but man, this whole eating for two has taken her to the next level. I swear she eats more food than I do, but the doctor says that’s normal.” He chuckles as he picks up his phone and fires off a text, which I’m sure is to her. He’s constantly checking in with her.

I’ve also recently seen Camille eat, and I’m pretty sure she eats more than I do.

“Speaking of doctors, you both know the one we saw yesterday.” I eye him like he should already know where I’m going with this conversation, and nerves fire under my skin. I wasn’t sure if I was going to mention that we saw Sophie, but I can’t hold it in.

“Oh, yeah. Who?” he asks. His phone vibrates, and he glances at it before flipping it back over and placing it on his leg.

“Dr. Sophie Black,” I state. Just saying her name out loud has my stomach tightening.

A grin splits his face. “I didn’t even think to ask who you saw. Camille loves Sophie. She comes over occasionally, but mostly, they go out at night after Pilates.” His grin turns mischievous, and he raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t you hook up with her a couple of years ago?”

“Yep,” I say, looking down at my bottle. I really do hate how things ended.

I also hate the word “hookup.” It makes it feel like it was cheap, quick, and easy, but that night, I had more of a life-alerting epiphany. Life-altering in that she would be in it indefinitely if I’d had my way.

But fate had a different plan.

“What happened there?” he asks, watching me for a reaction while taking a sip of his beer.

“Nothing.” I shrug one shoulder. “That following morning, I found out about John.”

Saying his name makes my stomach tighten again, but for a different reason.

He remains silent. Nothing more needs to be said.

I met Sophie at a New Year’s Eve party that Reid and Camille had thrown. I didn’t want to be there. I was bitter after being traded from Carolina a few months prior, I’d been working my ass off to prove myself so it wouldn’t happen again, and I was tired. I’d only gone to that party to show solidarity with my teammates and had zero plans to meet someone, but the second my eyes landed on her, no one else there mattered. She wore this little gold-and-silver dress, high heels that made her legs look long and toned, and bright pink lips. Her lips and smile were like kryptonite to me, breaking down every wall I had around me. I had to meet her. I had to know if she could be mine.

And she was . . . until she wasn’t.

“Well, what did you think? I’m pretty sure she’s just biding her time and not dating anyone seriously.”

Dating anyone seriously. That means she’s dating someone casually, and I find that thought makes me regretful. But what could I do, or what could I change? Vivi needed me, Vivi still needs me, and she’s my number one priority.

“Does it matter?” I say, defeated, running my hand through my hair.

“Of course it does. Your life may have changed, but you still have a life,” he says.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure that I’m ready for any more change.”

But would it change, or would it just get better? And what I’m most unsure of is how Vivi would react. Not that I think she would respond badly, but is she ready for change? Can she handle a new person in our life?

“I think you’re wrong. I think now is the perfect time,” he states, letting his comment linger between us in the cool air.

What I don’t tell him is that after we got home last night, I impulsively ordered thank-you flowers and had them delivered to her office. I didn’t hear from her today, not that I expected to, but secretly, I had hoped I would.

“What makes you say that?” I ask, curious to hear what he thinks.

“What makes you say it’s not?”

Lifting my bottle, I take another sip as I think about this. The obvious excuses trickle through my mind, but even I recognize them as excuses.

Then I think about Sophie. This new Sophie. Same blond hair, same bright blue eyes, wearing green scrubs and a white coat. She may have been at work, but she was even more beautiful than I remembered.

Can I do this?

Can I ask for more?

That’s assuming she’d want this too, which, after how I left things, I’m not so certain that she would.