Wrath (Dirty Soul MC: Long Beach #2)

Chapter 25

“ Y ou gonna say somethin’?” I wait until we’re inside the house before I try talking to my sister. Alicia’s driving is bad enough at the best of times, us having this conversation while she’s behind the wheel was never an option.

“What's there to say? You know what the problem is now.” She drops her purse on the table and moves to the fridge to get herself some water.

“You must have some kinda clue into what you're gonna do about this?” I slip a cigarette between my lips, then when I remember that this shit ain’t good for knocked-up sisters, I rip it back out and toss it on the floor.

“That fucker’s lucky he’s dead,” I growl, reaching up into the cupboard and taking out a bottle of Jameson.

“Don’t ever say that.” She shakes her head at me in disgust.

“I can say what the hell I like when that asshole knocked up my sister. Jesus Christ, Alicia.” I punch my fist into the cupboard door after I’ve slammed it and when it makes her jump I realize I need to calm my ass down.

“I’m sorry. This is just…It’s a fuckin’ shock.” I shake my head and try counting to ten.

“You're telling me,” she sighs, and suddenly I realize how exhausted she looks. “Every time I think about it I get so overwhelmed and afraid. I just shut down.”

“Alicia, you can’t bury your head in the sand with this, you–”

“Excuse me?” Her face instantly changes and now she’s staring back at me like she’s gonna unleash Hell. “I did not just hear you say that, Saul Peterson.” She grips her hair in her hands and growls in frustration, before barging past me into the living room.

“Don’t get like that, you know what I mean.” I quickly follow after her. Fuck, I need to do better than this.

“No, I don’t know what you mean, because I thought I just heard you telling me not to bury my head in the sand. Me, your sister who drove 300 miles a few days ago just so our mom could meet your kid. A kid you still haven’t met yourself.” She crosses her arms over her chest and waits for my comeback.

“Come on, Alicia, that's not fair. You know the situation, and you know how much it’s killin’ me.” I can’t believe she’d stoop low enough to use this against me.

“Saul, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that you can trust Raze. He’s a good man and he’s a good leader. He would never kick ya out the club. Not if you're honest with him.”

I scrub my hand over my face and try to stay calm. Alicia has no idea how deep the shit I’m swimmin’ in is.

“I can’t take that risk. If I got kicked out, where's the money to pay Mom and Dad’s mortgage come from, where’s the rent for this place bein’ earned? And who’s gonna be sendin’ Lettie money to feed and clothe my kid? In case you’ve forgotten I’ve been to jail, three fuckin’ times. Jobs ain’t easy to find with that kinda record.”

“That's an excuse and you know it.” Alicia shakes her head like she’s disappointed in me.

“Are you bein’ serious, right now?” Keeping my cool is starting to become a real fuckin’ effort. “D’ya think I like not bein’ with ‘em? Or that I would have chosen to miss the birth of my son? Don’t ya think I wish that I was there, holdin’ the hand of the woman I love while she pushed him into the fuckin’ world, Alicia? You have any idea how fuckin’ soul destroyin’ it is knowin’ that, right now, he’s bein’ raised on a Reaper fuckin’ compound in Sacramento?” I scrub my hand over my mouth and turn away from her because once I let my defenses down, I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull ‘em back up.

“I’m sorry.” She comes up behind me and places her hand on my shoulder. “I don’t feel like myself, anymore. It’s like this baby’s taken me over.” She sounds so scared and vulnerable and when I turn back to face her she flops down onto the couch.

“Truce.” She looks up at me and holds up her pinkie and I make a heavy sigh as I hook mine around it.

“I can’t believe you got yourself knocked up by Griller.” I sit down on the couch beside her.

“And I can’t believe you knocked up the Reaper's President’s daughter.” She slaps me hard in the chest.

“In my defense, I didn’t know who she was back when it happened.” I rest back while we both evaluate the mess we’re in.

“And in mine, I was pissed as hell.” She rolls her head to the side so she can smirk at me, and somehow we both manage to laugh.

“Does he look anythin’ like me?” I quit avoiding the conversation we should have had when she got back.

“You saw the picture.” She smiles proudly.

“I know, but it ain’t the same. Sometimes a kid don’t look like a parent, but it has the same expression. Like the one you're doin’ right now. That's one of Dad’s,” I point out.

“Don’t say that, I look nothing like Dad.” She rolls her eyes.

“You don’t until you pull that face.” I earn myself another hard shove in the shoulder.

“Yeah, he looks like you.” Alicia quickly goes back to being serious again. “Mom looked so proud holding him, she told Lettie that he had the same nose you did when you came out.”

I look up at the ceiling when I feel the hurt of not being with them tear at my insides. It shouldn’t be this way. I should be with my family. Proud like my mom is, and able to show my new son off to the world.

“Saul, I know you don’t have a lot of options but you gotta do something. He’s your kid, and Lettie can’t keep lying. Your son deserves to know who his father is.”

“If the Reapers find out that a Soul got Lettie pregnant, my son won’t have a father.” It’s a hard fuckin’ truth but one I have to face. “That kinda shit can’t come out, especially now. It’ll cause a war.”

“What do you mean?” Her forehead creases suspiciously.

“Peyton's father spoke to Raze yesterday, and it’s looking like the Reapers haven’t given up on the idea of takin’ over our patch. More men are comin’ to rebuild what we destroyed.”

“But they can’t, you killed so many of them last time.” Alicia looks confused.

“Manpower ain’t a problem in a club that holds no standards. These are the kinda men who took Kane and Sonny on as prospects. The Reapers have no sense of fuckin’ pride, they’re prepared to put guns in the hands of kids in order to get what they want.” I give her a small insight into how big a problem this could be. “Sometimes, I wonder if we’d be better off just packin’ our bags and startin’ again.” I love my club, even more so since Raze came and took over. It would kill me to leave it all behind, but I’ve thought about it a lot since Lettie told me she was pregnant. There has to be an easier way than this.

“That’s not the answer this time.” My sister shakes her head and whispers softly.

“So, do you wanna keep it?” I glance down at my sister's flat stomach, still struggling to believe that she made a kid with Griller.

“What I want doesn’t really matter. I have to be realistic.” She smiles helplessly.

“Do you want to keep it?” I ask her again.

“If I didn’t have to worry about being on my own, or money, and–”

“You're never gonna be on your own.” I wrap my arm around her shoulder and drag her closer. “I’m always gonna be here for you.”

“Not if Ronnie Wilkins finds out you're the father of his grandson.” She looks up at me cleverly.

“I gotta find a way to see them.” I feel that heavy ache in my chest all over again when I wonder what they’re doing right now.

“You really do love her, don’t you?” Alicia almost sounds surprised, and I get it, I’ve never shown any kinda interest in being committed to a woman before Lettie. Which only makes me more certain that she’s the one.

“Then you need to speak to Raze.” She sits up, looking frustrated with me. “There's a chance he can help. Lettie is miserable. She wants you to be together just as much as you do, and she’s prepared to walk away from her family for that to happen. She took a huge risk lying to her father so she could drive out to San José and meet with me and Mom.”

“I’m also assumin’ she wants me to stay alive.” I wish Alicia could see that things just ain’t that simple.

“The club is different now, Saul, Raze will understand. Family is important to him. All you have to do is explain that you didn’t know who she was. You’ve got a kid together. A son, who deserves to have his daddy looking after him. Every day she’s there with them puts them both in danger. You need to bring them home.” Her eyes fill up with tears and just the idea of having everyone I love under the same roof almost has mine doing the same.

“I’ll speak to Raze when the time is right, there’s just too much goin’ on right now. I wouldn’t wanna bring Lettie and Rory into it. I got a feelin’ things are gonna be gettin’ real heavy.”

“And this is the last thing we need.” Alicia looks down at the hand that seems to instinctively rest on her stomach.

“Yeah, but it’s still gonna be awesome. Kid’s already got a good start in life with me as an uncle.” I press my hand over hers.

“You need to figure out how you're gonna be a dad, first.” She hits me with a judgemental look that proves she ain’t gonna let up on this.

“I will.” I know I have to come up with some kinda plan and make it happen soon. It pains me to say it, but Alicia’s right, every day my family spends in Sacramento is another day they’re in danger.

“Lettie thinks she can get away again in two weeks’ time, you should come.”

“Alicia, I can’t do that. If I see ‘em, there's no way I’d ever let them go back, and this all requires a lotta careful plannin’. You should cancel seein’ her. It’s not safe, especially now it ain’t just you ya gotta worry about.” I won’t have her getting caught up in all this.

“We gotta be smart if we want this to work out. Hopefully, it won’t be long before your nephew and mine are lookin’ out for each other, the way we always have.” The thought of that makes me smile.

“I was kind of hoping it would be a girl.” Alicia bites her lip, proving that deep down she’s a little bit excited. She just hasn’t been ready to admit that to herself because she’s been worrying.

“Are you serious, you wanna run the risk of birthing a girl that looks like Griller?”

“Oh, good point.” It looks as if that thought unnerves her but it makes us both laugh.

“It’s kinda sad, ain’t it?” Her happiness seems to falter as her thumb strokes affectionately over her stomach. The way she’s suddenly become so maternal proves to me that she always knew what she wanted to do, she was just afraid of it. “Knowing now what I do about Griller, I think he would have made a good dad.” She smiles to herself and when her tears start to come, she quickly wipes them away. “I told you this baby was taking over.” She tries to make light of it.

“Hey, it’s okay to be happy about this, sis. You're gonna be a great mom, and you gotta a whole bunch of people who care about ya that will wanna help.” The whole vibe at the club has changed since Cliff left. For the first time since I joined, it feels like a brotherhood.

“I’m gonna have to tell Griller’s family, they deserve to know.” She looks nervous as hell about that.

“We can make that happen,” I assure her. Griller’s brother, Greaser, left not long after Raze became prez, but I’m sure we can track him down and get information about their folks. Griller thought a lot of his mom, I know he’d want her to be a part of this. Just like I want my parents to be part of my son’s life.

“I just need a little time to get my own head around it,” Alicia yawns.

“We’ll let ‘em know whenever you're ready to, you just focus your attention on takin’ care of my niece or nephew.” I smile at her.

“I’m beat, I’m going to bed.” She kisses me on the cheek before getting up, and heading toward her room, while I rest my head back on the couch and close my eyes.

“Saul.” I look back up when I hear her voice. “Thanks…for everything.” She’s turned back around and is looking so small and vulnerable.

“What are big brothers for?” I smile back at her, and once she’s disappeared to her room I take out my cell and scroll to the picture she sent me a few days ago. A picture of the strong, healthy boy I should be sitting here holding in my arms. Lettie did a real good job. He came out big, weighing over 9lb and she should have never had to go through that all by herself. I hate that I missed it all. I can’t stand knowing that right now they are living with the fuckin’ enemy. Every night since Lettie told me she was pregnant, I’ve considered driving out to Sacramento to get her. Maybe Raze could help me if I told him the truth. I just can’t face up to doing that, right now. The risks are far too great for all of us.

“What’s up?” I jump when Vike lets himself in, and quickly locking my phone I shove it back in my pocket.

“What ya doin’ here?” I try not to sound too defensive, but he’s caught me by surprise.

“The fuckin’ game’s on.” He looks at me strangely as he places a six-pack on the coffee table in front of me. “Dude, have ya been fuckin’ cryin’?” He frowns when he notices the emotion in my eyes.

“Have I fuck!” I look back up at him as if he’s crazy.

“I was gonna say…You didn't even tear up when ya took that Reaper bullet for me.” He pops the lid off one of the beers and passes it over, before grabbing one for himself.

“Alicia’s pregnant.” I bring him up to speed since he wasn’t at the club when she made her announcement, and he reacts by spraying the beer he just knocked back, outta his mouth.

“She’s fuckin’ what? ”

“She’s pregnant, and it’s Griller’s.” I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Holy fuckin’ shit, bro. She keepin’ it?”

“Looks that way.” I smile to myself. Yeah, it’s gonna be a tough road, but there ain't no way she’s walkin’ it alone.

“Guess it’s a good thing for Griller that he’s already dead, huh?” Vike raises his eyebrows. “Is that why she visited your folks, so she could tell ‘em?” Vike knows as well as I do that neither of us go home often. Being my best friend means he knows the reason why too.

“I guess.” I shrug my shoulders, hating the fact that I’m lying to my best friend. There's not a single thing I’ve kept from him in the whole time I’ve known him.

“Bet your old man took that well. I’m surprised he let her come back.”

“They know she’s better off with me, even if she did get pregnant on my watch.” I give him a look of warning, because there is no way I’m going back there, that shit gets me far too angry.

“You wanna forget real-life shit and just watch the game?” Vike asks.

“Like you wouldn’t fuckin’ believe.” I clang the neck of my bottle against his and focus on the big screen.